I used to be a great friend, well I think I was.
Anxiety and depression reared its ugly head, I felt like it was downhill from there.
My friendships changed when I had my kids, I couldn’t drop everything to do a maccas run. No one likes to parent hungover and sleep became so vital that I took it whenever I could. I had a new focus, I became a new person the moment I became ‘mum’.
They understood that though. They were supportive, they were good friends.
But the real change came when I let my fear and the shame of my mental illness get in the way.
It was too hard to fight that fight, to win and still be a good friend. A person who listens, who is reliable, a shoulder to cry on, a person to laugh with.
When you experience anxiety and depression, it’s almost like somethings got to give. I gave up being a good friend.
It became easier to walk away from the people I truly loved than being the one person I felt would eventually let them down.
I still have friends- I just don’t see them often, I avoid phone calls and take a while to write back to texts. I avoid public outings because of my social anxiety. I’m not a great friend, most of the time I’m not even a good friend. I still try, I try by being honest and open about my personal struggles. Once you open up and say it’s okay, I’m just not okay- if they’re really your friends they will be proud of you.
Join me in September, the month of female mental health awareness and be proud to be yourself, even if you suck at being a friend because you experience some mental health issues. It is important to share so that your friends and people around you can understand, support and love you.