Kiddipedia
Like many pregnant women with a looming due date, I’m starting to put pen to paper about my wishes for bub’s birth. Commonly known as a birth plan, it’s typical for birthing couples to list out a page or two communicating to midwives and doctors what type of labour they’d like to have, what they want to happen and what they hope to avoid.
As I sat down at a café and started jotting down my thoughts, it occurred to me that I didn’t want to call it a ‘plan’. I scribbled out that word and replaced it with ‘preferences’ instead.
The owner of the café stopped by and asked what I was working on. Being a new dad himself, with a 16-week old whose birth was fresh in his memory, he agreed with the name change.
“Yes,” he said. “Plan sort of implies there is some semblance of control.”
Why subtleties of language are important
First up, I want to state that I’m not a birth professional. I’m a writer, a mentor, a mother. So this article won’t give you tips and hints as to what to include in a birth plan (or birth preference list.) I am woefully unqualified to do that.
However, the subtle use of language is something I’m keenly interested in. Especially when it relates to the masculine and feminine languages used in transitioning to motherhood – a time where feminine energy is at the forefront.
When my midwife asked during our most recent appointment if I’d started my birth plan, I told her I was still working on it. Then added that I was calling it a birth preference list instead.
“Sure. Birth plan, birth preferences, whatever, it’s the same thing,” she replied.
Ah yes, maybe to birth professionals it’s the same thing. But most of us aren’t working in that field. For us, it’s more than a piece of paper that guides how our shift may play out. It’s what we are hoping for in the birth of our child. We may only get the opportunity to birth a couple of times in our entire lifetime. So we place much importance on every word written on that page.
It tells a story of our expectations, our hopes and wants for the birth of our precious child. And the way we view that story is often bound tightly to the name given to that sheet of paper.
Why I’m dropping the word ‘plan’
Words such as ‘plan’ come from a place of the masculine. It implies that if you do x and y, then you’ll receive z result.
Having experienced one birth already – one where almost every carefully crafted point of my ‘plan’ was thrown out the window over the course of my 65-hour labour – I learned that birth is largely a feminine process. One where flow and intention hold greater strength than plans and expectations.
Therefore, bringing that language into the birthing room is advantageous for your emotional and mental state during the birthing process. (Not to mention in the days, weeks, months and years afterward, when you are remembering and processing the birth.)
Birth is a time of unpredictability, especially if you’re in a hospital setting where risk management and hospital protocols play a role. Thus listing out your intentions for your baby’s birth in language that is positive and hopeful, and outlining the preferences you have – as opposed to it being a plan that might be deemed as ‘successful’ or ‘unsuccessful’ – can help shift any result-focus mindset you may be bringing into the birthing suite.
It implies an openness of allowing. Because there is one thing I learned from my previous birth experience, the externalities of labour can sometimes be out of your control. But what is in your control are your thoughts, how you respond to the dance of labour and the mindset you carry with you. These are immensely powerful.
The more you can be intention-focused, as opposed to result-focused, the greater opportunity you will have for your feminine energy to shine during this time of bringing forth new life.
So, if you’re in the process of writing out your birth plan, or you’re thinking about it, I’m suggesting that you ponder how you can shift the language you are using to be more along the lines of intention and preference. This may be more beneficial than using the typical language where you may feel like you emerge from the experience triumphant or otherwise.
You may also like to read:
Can stress when pregnant harm your baby?
The pregnancy dilemma – how to slow down and still live a busy life
