Kiddipedia
I believe that we should take care of ourselves as well as others. I don’t think taking care of others, including our kids, all the time and putting our needs and wants last is a sustainable way to live as a human or a parent. We can only give what we have and if we don’t fill up this vessel it won’t work too well.
I am a single mum and my support network for actually taking care of my children is my mum and she has her own life, business and lives 2 hours away or a babysitter, and I’m not OK just yet with the babysitter scenario. Given my kids are only 3 and, they are still fairly dependant on me so I don’t abandon my kid for weekend-long raves, but I do take time away for myself to rejuvenate and refuel my energy tank when I need to. As the sole carer for them, I feel that it is important for them that I do this. I have them in daycare 3 days a week so I can work on my businesses but once or twice a month, depending on how I feel I will put them in an extra day and spend that day watching a movie, doing some cooking, reading a good book, shopping – There is no defined action, except the action of replenishment.
Society has, I’ve noticed a bit of a paradigm about self-care as a parent. They think you have to put your kids first and yourself second. But, if this were the case how would our kids take care of themselves when we get to the burn out stage? How can we be there emotionally, physically, mentally if we are just “getting by”? The truth is, we can’t. How can airline companies understand this but others in society think it’s the “wrong” way to parent?
Fit your oxygen mask first, then help others. Why? Because if you run off helping others you will literally suffocate doing it and if this happens you are not exactly equipped to help many people.
Taking the negative vibe out of self-care that you have, or people put onto you, as a parent, is the first step to creating a culture where everyone is whole and healthy.
For me, “being selfish” means knowing when I need to take put my kids in an extra day at daycare. It’s meeting a friend at a café for an afternoon chat or walking through the farmers market to buy fresh flowers. Being selfish sometimes means letting my kids fall asleep in my bed so that I can go to sleep at 8:30 pm along with them or be able to stay up later knowing they sleep better in my bed and I’m less likely to get interrupted.
I have learnt that this parenting gig and in order to be successful at it, is many things, but first and foremost, listening to what your body, heart and soul tells you because if you need time out, delaying it won’t make you a better caregiver and if you neglect what you need, what message about self-care are you sending to your kids? If you notice when you need to step back AND actually do it, then you can respond to life and parenting challenges with much more vigour, calmness, intention and enthusiasm.
I know that your inner critic will tell you, you don’t have time for yourself, you don’t deserve it, it’s too expensive, you shouldn’t be doing this, but this inner critic has a time and place and when it comes to self-care as a parent, this little voice needs to be controlled. To work yourself to the bone, put self-care on hold, to constantly strive to achieve goals created by our social media society, corporate culture, family demands and overwhelming school and beauty standards, if followed, will deplete your spark and vitality.
As a mindset coach and result mentor and a mum, I can tell you that running towards someone else’s goals makes us forget our own. And even as we achieve what we “should” want, it’s never satisfying because it wasn’t what we truly desired in the first place. It’s time for us to become the exquisite caretakers of our own desires.
And that means getting selfish with our self-care.
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