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During this challenging time, we are feeling the stress as an individual, the stress as an employee or an employer, the stress as a parent and even the stress in our relationship with our partner. For many of us our worlds have changed and with that the usual routines are out the window. The family unit, how it looks and how it operated, is also going through an adjustment phase, so it is important to know how to adjust and survive this time.
I have some tips below on some of the biggest hurdles families are facing and ways to navigate through these.
- Everyone at home all day: One of the biggest changes to many households is that we now have the kids home from school all day and the parents are needing to work from home. There are many memes and jokes going around social media but in reality this adjustment time can be tough. The kids are going to be excited to see their parents who are usually out of their sight from 9-3 and the younger ones will be more demanding with wanting time because they are stuck in the house and ‘’bored’’. Children do not understand the need for their parents to still get their work done and a lot of houses these days do not have a separate office space for the parents to utilize. It will be very important for you, as a couple, to work together and set up a schedule for each of you to get your work done, especially if you are both normally at work while the kids are at school. If one person usually is the stay at home parent this is still their role. Don’t put extra pressure on your partner who is now working from home, to care for the children or clean the house during their standard work hours. Stick to your work hours as best as you can and when it is time to clock off turn off the computer and finish your workday.
- Have time to yourselves: We all need some downtime and alone time with or without Covid-19 so make sure this is still happening. You might not be able to get to your gym but you can still go for a walk or sit outside in garden to get this time. Communicate with your partner and, just like scheduling your workday , make sure to schedule in your alone time. Ideally we would like this to be about 30-60 mins each day.
- Stay at Home Parent: If you do have a parent who is usually the stay at home parent, remember that they have also had changes to their routine. Activities that they would usually take the children to, or do with the children, are possibly closed now so they are also dealing with demanding children and not getting any breaks from them. Work together. Acknowledge the stress for this other parent and support each other when you can.
- Couple time: The perception is that this will be difficult when we are all in the house together and when your favourite date night places are closed, but that does not have to be true. Get creative and make sure to still have this alone time. If your children are older they can be told that they need to occupy themselves while you sit outside and have lunch together. If you have younger children, spend this time together when they have gone to bed. Candlelight dinners, watching a movie together or even playing a card game are all very simple ideas that can still be done even in a lockdown situation. Taking the time and getting creative will strengthen your relationship.
- Social Time: Have your friends over via video link up so you still have this adult time. The kids can also connect on their devices with other children. It may feel a bit strange at first but you will adapt very quickly and you will have fun.
- Maintaining Parenting: Stick to the rules and consequences in your house. On the school nights keep the same bedtime for the children. If they have broken the house rules, do what you usually would with a consequence for this. This is not meant to be unlimited holiday time for the children. They still have a routine that they need to stick to as best as we can.
- Relax: If the house is not in perfect condition because everyone is at home, if the kids are not eating all the right foods because you cannot find these products at the shops or if there is some more technology time or television time for your children so you can have a break, that is ok. It is just for now.
As a couple, you need to work together. Remember you are both stressed and worried so turn to each other when you need to talk, vent or cry and don’t push away from each other. Working through this difficult time as a couple has the potential to remind you of why you are together and the strengths that you have.
Donna has been working as a qualified Psychologist at The Couch Therapy for over 16 years. She works with children, adolescents, adults and couples. Donna has written a self-help book called “Managing Your Stress Cup” and has a podcast “On the Couch with Donna Cameron”. Donna’s aim is to take the fear out of mental health by providing her clients with practical workable strategies.
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