Fussy Eater Solutions
“It is not just that my kids are fussy when it comes to dinner, I find myself totally overwhelmed. I am stressed out thinking about getting that meal on the table, I am worried about the kids not eating anything. I know I am not the most pleasant mum at dinner, I scream a lot!” says Kate. Kate is not alone; every single mum I work with tells me that dinnertime is stressful. When we first met Kate rated her stress level at 20 out of 10! I polled a number of Facebook groups’ mums and it turns out that 77% of you agree with Kate that dinnertime is stressful.
Unfortunately, stress at dinner is counterproductive for you and your children. Children who are stressed will have a drop in appetite, only to pester you once they have relaxed and you have cleaned up: “I am hungry, mummy”. Stress takes away the quality time you would like to have with your children. Reducing it should be your priority because there are ways to identify, manage and reduce what goes wrong at dinnertime.
Manage and reduce
I asked Kate and mums on Facebook what dinnertime stress they experience and these are the answers they gave me. Before you start reading those, perhaps you would like to pin down what problems need your attention.
33% of mums said that fussy eating is the most stressful element of dinnertime.
This is a hard one to deal with. Whilst there are professionals like me helping families who have very fussy eaters, for your average finicky child there is mostly general advice and often confusing advice out there. Chances are when your child is whining and complaining about the food you have put on the table you may be submerged by all sorts of emotions. You may worry about your child’s development and growth, their ability to eat a wider range of foods. You may feel rejected or inadequate. Do you?
What if you started by telling your child it is ok to voice a disagreement with food you have served, but they need to be polite about it? Instead of hearing “it’s disgusting”, “I don’t like it”, reassure your child with “you don’t have to eat it, but you have to be polite about it”. What if you accepted that your child’s rejection of a food is not a reflection of how much your child loves or respects you? It is not even a definite dislike in most cases. You could instead see your child as someone who is still learning about foods and needs to be exposed again and again before they like a wide range of them. What if you put a Learner Eater sticker on your child’s forehead? Don’t they look cute?
Number 2 when it comes to Kids misbehaving around and at dinner time, well it’s hard to “reduce” kids, but managing them, should yield some results. My 1st child was 1 when I finally realised that as much as I did not like routine, it made my life easier and my child happier! To make sure kids behave at the table you need to get dinner happening in a timely manner: children get tired after a long day of exploration (mentally and physically). For them to know that they will be able to satisfy their hunger, that food is coming, children need ample warnings about dinnertime. You can use timers, charts that depict the family-specific routine (e.g. pack toys, wash hand, set dinner table, dinner time, bath, bed). You can buy “schedule cards” on the Internet or even produce your own. You can, of course, kill two birds with one stone by having your kids cook with you: they will learn about foods, learn some skills and be kept busy. Once at the table, make sure your children are seated comfortably; keep dinnertime to 30 minutes max.
Number 3 Do you feel like a writer stuck in front of a blank page when trying to figure out what to cook? Do you end up asking your kids what they want to make sure they will eat something? Of course, asking your children to make those choices will have the family spiralling down towards pasta and nuggets, every night! You are educating your children about food variety and you need to make food choices.
There are a few companies that offer ready to cook food boxes and their recipes; this may be an excellent option for you. It is more expensive of course but saves time you would otherwise spend shopping or panicking.
Your alternative is to plan your meals. Some people love planning, others not so much are but what if you could do it simply? Here are some ideas:
- Build on what you know! Start with your usual shopping list. Once you have written it down you can decide which styles of cooking suit your busy schedule for which days (braise, roast, pan-fry, slow cook etc.) or which style of cuisine you master or would like to learn about (Asian, Italian, French, Indian, Moroccan…). Adapt your needs and desires to your standard shopping list, as most basic ingredients can be cooked in different ways. You may need a different cut of meat, an extra vegetable, a new spice or herb. You can apply small modifications here and there as you grow your skills and menu ideas.
- Do one shopping trip for the week. If you have a list go to your favourite market or supermarket, get it all there and then: fish to cook at next meals, beef, chicken, dairy, fruit and veggies etc.
- Can you do some preparation on a Sunday? Pre-cook some dinners? Wash and cut a few vegetables to dry and store in an airtight container? Overnight soak lentils or grains? Pre-cook some rice or pasta for a Cantonese rice, or a pasta salad?
Comes Saturday night: here’s your fish (Asian style week-1, Italian week-2, oven-cooked week-3 etc.). Tuesday night is your busiest night with kids’ activities, then stick everything in your slow cooker and come back to a meal that’s waiting for the family! Thursday you are home early, but don’t want to spend hours cooking: stick a whole chicken in the oven complete with potatoes, carrots and zucchinis, next time do it Moroccan style and serve with a yoghurt sauce!
I hope this gets you started and gives you the desire to tackle your dinnertime stress.
Some mums mentioned ‘having no help’ as an additional issue, indeed for many of us out there, shared housework is still a long way away. If you are raising boys this is a good time to teach them that they can help with housework too.
Being stressed at dinnertime is no fun and to be honest I remember it too. I hope today you can take a few minutes to work out what exactly stresses you and get started to tackle one issue after the other. Remember, there is no need to be a perfect mum, or to do it all, do what you can. Kate’s stress level fell a whopping 75% to a much more acceptable level after we worked together. I am looking forward to hearing what you have put in place to make your life easier.
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Time Management Goes Out the Window With Kids
