Kiddipedia

Kiddipedia

Imagine that every day when you hop into your car, you start to imagine the worst-case scenario unfolding. You focus on all the negative risks: the potential car accidents, the speeding fines, an airbag blowing up by mistake, or a jay-walker stepping in front of your car?

If you climbed into your car every day and thought about the worst possible scenarios, it would place you into a crippling fear. It would be unbearable. And yet, this is the issue we are faced with today. Although we may be living through the middle of a pandemic, there is another pandemic going on. Luckily, it’s one that we can actually put an end to, once we become aware of it.  It’s the pandemic of fear itself.

When we live in fear we are living in a survival mindset – and we’re activating the oldest part of our brain, known as the reptile brain (or survival brain). This is where our fight, flight or freeze response kicks in.

At the moment, so many of us are living in a fearful state due to the uncertainty and the unknowns we are all faced with. We don’t consciously want to live in fear… yet we find ourselves glued to the news, the case numbers and the daily updates about restrictions.

Then, we don’t just sit in those fears – we take it one step further by projecting our fear and judgments onto others.

What happens to us when we live in fear?

  • We get stressed out.

Studies show that when you’re living in fear, your emotions go high, while your logic and intelligence goes low – meaning you are not making rational decisions. This also activates the stress response, which is responsible for high levels of cortisol and adrenaline, two key hormones responsible for lowering the immune system. Another way to look at the fear response is like this: we’re putting our foot on the accelerator and the brake at the same time. It’s just not sustainable, y’all.

  • We act up or act out.

Our survival brain activates the fight, flight or freeze response, and let’s look at where this usually takes us. It could be ‘fight’: arguments on social media about who’s right or wrong, or fighting with your family members about their choices. Neither is actually helpful. It could be flight: we opt out of connecting, stay away and isolate ourselves from our co-workers, family, peer groups and society. Or it could be ‘freeze’: the numbing out that we see with alcohol, food or substance abuse, pornography addicitons, or the endless Internet scrolling with no pay-off.

  • We reach out.

Fortunately, we are getting better at putting our hand up to say, “hey, I’m not coping over here!” But the flip side to this coin is, support services are getting stretched to the limit. There is a three-month wait in Victoria for mental health services right nowa, and in August, Lifeline took 3,505 calls in one day – the highest daily number in the organisation’s history. This was the fourth time in one month that the record had been broken.

So, how do we deactivate the fear response?

When we cannot control our outer world, we can twist the dial even harder as we try to control our inner world.

At some point, we have to trust the process and apply critical thinking. Our body doesn’t understand the difference between a thought in our minds or an actual lived experience – it just reacts and triggers the stress response.

So when we are faced with any uncertainties, there is only one thing we can control (and I use that word lightly). That thing is our inner world, or the way we think, feel, act and respond.

Here are a few things that could help you:

  • Pay attention to what has your attention: too much screen time, whether it be the news or social media,can feel overwhelming. Putting it down or turning it off is one of the most impactful ways to take control of your internal world.
  • Manage your thoughts: studies show we think between 70,000 and 80,000 thoughts per day, and most of them are recycled from the day before. Catch yourself thinking about the future and what may happen, and instead focus on the present. Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now is super helpful for this!
  • Create boundaries: many of my clients say they feel positive and calm – until their mother rings and starts the fearful chatter around case numbers, toilet paper shortage or any other stressful things she’s feeling. We can absorb fear from others, so when you’re trying to manage your energy, you must protect yourself with strong boundaries.
  • Practice mindfulness: this can be walking every morning, taking 20 deep breaths every hour, or meditation. The idea is that you create space in your mind so the stressful thoughts don’t take over.
  • Get outside: with the weather warming up, this can be a great practice to support your nervous system. Walking and getting some vitamin D on your face, sitting under a tree for a few minutes or just standing in nature to centre yourself from the noise of the outside world helps tremendously.

 

Lastly, commit to doing the inner work on your beliefs and negative self talk – this is the big one. If you don’t have a coach, therapist or community to support your mental health and growth, then you may find yourself unequipped to handle the stress and uncertainty. Get around mentors who can support you with tools to manage your mind and work on yourself.

 

Erika Cramer, The Queen of Confidence, is an award-winning international confidence coach and host of the 5 star-rated Confidence Chronicles Podcast. After surviving many traumatic experiences, Erika is a real example of how you can heal your personal story to transform trauma into triumph and now leads a global movement to empower women.  She is also the author of the new book, Confidence Feels Like Sh!t. Find out more about Erika at https://thequeenofconfidence.com/