Early Start Australia
For people of all ages, learning to manage big feelings is essential. Emotional regulation is our ability to manage big feelings. For children, learning to regulate emotions and manage their feelings is a crucial developmental milestone that lays the foundation for healthy social interactions, academic success, and overall mental health and well-being. In this article, we’ll explore the concepts of emotional regulation, co-regulation, and provide some tips on how parents can support their children in developing these all-important skills.
Understanding Emotional Regulation
Emotional regulation refers to the ability to manage and adapt our emotions in response to things that may be happening to us or around us. It involves recognising, understanding, and responding to emotions in a way that allows us to get on with things. For children, whose emotional regulation systems are still developing, this process can be particularly challenging. Cue the term – co-regulation.
Co-Regulation
Co-regulation is a collaborative process through which children regulate their emotions with help from others – usually a parent or caregiver. Children often rely on external support and guidance to achieve emotional balance and return to a state of calm. This is developmentally appropriate. In the context of parent-child relationships, co-regulation plays a vital role in helping children learn to regulate their emotions effectively. When parents provide a nurturing and supportive environment, they serve as external regulators, guiding their children through emotional experiences and teaching them coping strategies.
Supporting Self-Regulation
While co-regulation is essential, the ultimate goal is for children (and adults!) is to develop the capacity for self-regulation – the ability to independently manage their own emotions and behaviours. This does not mean that a child will never have a meltdown ever again – we are aiming for emotional responses that more closely match the size of the problem, and for those big out of control feelings and associated behaviours to be less severe and less frequent.
If your child is struggling with their emotional regulation, you can try some of the strategies below, or work with an occupational therapist who can help you work out which of these approaches are best for you and your family:
- Foster Emotional Awareness: Encourage your child to identify and name or label their emotions. Use descriptive language to help them let you know how they’re feeling, and validate their experiences without judgment.
- Teach Coping Strategies: Equip children with a toolbox of coping strategies they can use when faced with challenging emotions. These may include deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, or using sensory toys or activities, like slime or blowing bubbles, that promote relaxation.
- Establish Routines: Consistency and predictability can provide a sense of security for children, making it easier for them to regulate their emotions. Establish daily routines that include time for relaxation, play, and opportunities for emotional expression such as drawing or throwing a basketball.
- Encourage Problem-Solving: Help your child to develop problem-solving skills by guiding them through the process of identifying solutions to challenges they encounter. Encourage them to brainstorm alternatives with you, and ask them to think about which options work best for them.
- Model Healthy Emotional Regulation: Children learn by example, so it’s essential for parents to model healthy emotional regulation behaviours. This can be a tricky one for some adults who have struggled with emotional regulation difficulties themselves, and often parents learn along with their kids! Demonstrate constructive ways of expressing emotions, managing stress, and resolving conflicts in your own interactions with family members and others.
- Provide Supportive Feedback: Offer praise and encouragement when your child demonstrates effective emotional regulation skills. Any attempts should be acknowledged. Focus on their efforts and progress, rather than just the outcomes, to reinforce positive behaviour.
Emotional regulation is a skill that children cultivate over time, with the guidance and support of caring adults and caregivers. It’s important to understand that it takes time for children to develop self-regulation skills and to understand that co-regulation is a necessary step in the process. Through nurturing relationships, teaching coping strategies, and modelling healthy emotional behaviours, parents can empower their children to navigate life’s ups and downs with resilience and confidence.
Still need support? Reach out to an occupational therapist or psychologist who has experience working with children.
