I feel like its something that you really cannot prepare for. Even if you get told every possible thing that can happen, you still can’t truly prepare yourself for the pain, the struggles, the worry but also the beauty of it and the guilt when it doesn’t work out.

The bond between you and your baby is so beautiful, but not all mums get to enjoy it. For some, it just doesn’t work out and that is okay. So many mummy groups and pages say breastmilk is best and I used to follow that until I was faced with the decision myself.

The start of my breastfeeding journey with my first baby Savannah started off with a few issues. She didn’t latch properly within the first few days after birth whilst we were in the hospital. So I ended up with damaged nipples that had scabs on them. Eventually, I ended up pumping and express feeding her for two weeks while they healed.

During that time I was also back and forth to the hospital to see a lactation consultant to help with her latch. We have also arranged to have a tongue tie cut as they suspected that was causing issues but turned out she didn’t have one. But after perseverance and time, we worked it out. She had a good latch and it was mostly smooth sailing from there. I heard breastfeeding was a good contraceptive but fell pregnant with my second baby while still breastfeeding Savannah at 8 months. I continued to breastfeed her until 14 months while pregnant.

With my second baby, I was determined to do it again. I know breastfeeding is still best, I had done it before so I could do it again. Well was I wrong! After a terrible first 24 hours after Isabelle’s birth during our hospital stay, breastfeeding was not going well. She had a bad latch the lactation consultant at the hospital was less than helpful so upon returning home I grabbed my pump and express fed.

I did still try and breastfeed but it was just not working. Then to make things worse we both got thrush. Isabelle had oral thrush and I got nipple thrush and severely cracked nipples so the expressing continued. She took the bottle quite well but was never really settled for very long. After a couple of visits to the health nurse with minimal weight gain, talking with her cardiologist and I being diagnosed with postnatal depression I made the decision to swap to formula.

It was a struggle, express feeding a newborn and having a 17-month-old as well. Add to postnatal depression, anxiety and then having a baby that needed to go to extra appointments with specialists. It was just a horrible time.

I felt so guilty giving her formula but she was a completely different baby after making the change. She got settled, happy and she was gaining more weight. It was the best decision for her. But the mum guilt kicked in. The constant thought of why couldn’t I do it this time, I’ve done it before I know I can, so why can’t I do it? Was always in my mind.

After having to formula feed Isabelle I definitely changed my view of breastmilk is best. It is totally okay if you breastfeed or choose to formula feed. You as a Mum would know what is best for you and your baby.

I recently had my third baby Abel. He is almost 3 months old now. Time has gone so quick! This time around I was determined to make breastfeeding work but also knew that if it didn’t then it was okay. Well as soon as he was put on my chest, he latched on perfectly and he has been amazing since! I haven’t needed assistance and have not yet had to use my pump.

He is amazing. He’s the best out of my three kids. It’s so easy with him. He does have his moments where he fusses or falls asleep feeding and has only had one side and is totally out of it but that’s all part of it I guess. I’m hoping to make it to 12 months at least with Abel which at this point in time I can see happening cause like his big sister he is boob obsessed.


You may also like to read:

Breastfeeding Tips and Quotes to Inspire

My 3rd baby, who refuses to even try to breastfeed