Kiddipedia
This month is my husband’s birthday month so I felt it only appropriate to write on the subject of husbands and fathers.
As a whole, we as women have spent such a long time trying to fight for gender equality. And we are still fighting, if the prevalence of the gender pay gap is any indication, that I feel sometimes that we have a tendency to go too far the other way when it comes to our spouses.
It’s become almost the norm to publicly put down or ridicule our husbands and make them out to be useless, mindless buffoons. While I myself am certainly no shrinking violet when it comes to poking fun at my husband, I would also like to think that I am the first person to sing his praises without feeling as though I am anti-feminist for doing so.
Recently you may have seen quite a bit of talk about a mother in a Sydney North Shore Facebook group who asked a reasonably innocuous question about ideas for her husband’s lunches. Simply put, the implication that she prepares the meals for her husband to take to work and therefore the assumption that others may also do the same seemed to set off a domino effect of vitriol and fury among the group.
That a woman may have decided of her own volition to prepare her partner’s lunch for him would spark such an outcry that she was anti-feminist, is in my humble opinion, ridiculous and uncalled for.
The notion that we may be happy with or, dare I say, even like our husbands and therefore might like to actually do nice things for them from time to time seems to often invoke some strong reactions. The idea that an educated, intelligent, articulate female could choose to wash her husband’s socks for him or make his work lunch while she’s already making three school lunches could somehow set back all the advancements in women’s equality says very little about how much progress we have actually made.
The fact is, I haven’t made my husband a sandwich in ten years since he complained about one I made him all that time ago. Apparently, you can’t make a sandwich if it doesn’t have meat on it. Well, you also can’t make a sandwich if the recipient of the said sandwich is breathing down your neck backseat-driving the process…
Regardless, the fact that I don’t make his lunch does not mean I don’t like or respect him and it also does not mean that I like and respect myself more. It just means, if he’s going to be a jerk about a sandwich then he can bloody well make his own. Nothing overly complex about it.
I do however make his dinner a fair bit. I also wash his clothes if they are in the hamper. He also mows the lawn and does the yard work. Again, there is no profound deeper intention to the gender stereotyped roles other than the fact that I don’t want to mow the lawn. We are a team and we work together to keep the kids are fed and mostly clean, the house running and all parties relatively happy.
My husband also isn’t a buffoon, far from it. He did a degree in accounting before deciding to become a carpenter, he then went on to get his builders licence where he was top of his class, he runs a successful business where he works six days a week and on top of all that he still makes time to spend all available seconds with our sons.
Yes, he is messy and leaves his clothes lying around but I am also extremely anal retentive and have unrealistic expectations for how I like the house to be kept.
Yes, he can be forgetful and loses stuff all the time but my Type A personality means that I usually know where his things are so it’s not often a big deal.
Yes, he snores and it can mean the difference between a little sleep with the baby’s wake-ups and no sleep at all but he has been seeking medical treatment for that, much to his own discomfort, even though his snoring doesn’t bother him in the slightest.
When you live with anyone, you are going to notice things about them that drive you crazy but continually putting down your husbands aren’t going to make you look stronger or superior as a woman any more than showing acknowledgment or admiration for them will make you weaker.
The fact is, sure – a lot of Dad’s out there may be losers and letting down the team but that doesn’t mean that they all are. My husband is my best friend, an excellent father, and a hard worker. He takes a vital, active role in our family as many wonderful Dad’s do. He deserves recognition for his achievements and I am not afraid to make sure that he gets that.
I am still a feminist even while I am sewing up his torn work pants so please don’t be reluctant to show that you appreciate them because equality goes both ways.
You may also like to read:
The importance of me time: Part1
Debate: “Mums need to go back into workforce” research shows
