Kiddipedia
As parents, we all want the best for our kids, and that includes ensuring they’re really learning at school. But sometimes, it’s tough to know for sure, right? We trust that the teachers are doing their part, but how can we be certain our children are actually soaking up the knowledge?
That’s where the power of conversation comes in. The chats we have with our children after school can be the bridge between what happens in the classroom and what happens at home. These daily exchanges can shape how our kids view learning and set the tone for their entire educational journey.
Australian research supports this: the Australian Institute of Family Studies reports that parental engagement, particularly through discussion about school, is linked to stronger academic outcomes, higher motivation, and improved emotional well-being. The Australian Council for Educational Research similarly shows that students who feel supported at home are more resilient and engaged in learning.
You’ve probably asked your child, “What did you do at school today?” at some point. And most of the time, the answer is something like, “Nothing,” or “I don’t remember.” Sound familiar? It’s a question that can sometimes lead to dead ends, leaving you wondering whether they’re engaged at all. But if we start asking different kinds of questions, questions that focus on the learning instead of just the doing, we can help our children connect with what they’re actually gaining from their day.
Professor John Hattie, whose research synthesises over 1,600 meta-analyses on education, shows that one of the most powerful influences on student achievement is self-reflection, or students’ understanding of their own learning. When we ask better questions, we invite that reflection, and reflection strengthens learning.
So, here are a few questions that could make all the difference.
1. What Did You Learn Today?
This might seem like an obvious one, but it’s worth emphasising. It’s so easy to focus on what your child did, whether they had recess, what snack they ate, or if they finished a project. But asking, “What did you learn today?” shifts the focus to their intellectual growth. It helps your child see that their time at school is about more than completing tasks, it’s about gaining new skills and understanding.
Example Response:
“I learned how to divide fractions.”
Follow-Up:
“That’s awesome! Was there anything that made it tricky? What helped you understand it better?”
These types of follow-up questions show that you’re genuinely curious about their learning and give them a chance to reflect on their own progress. Neuroscience research from The University of Melbourne shows that retrieval, the act of recalling information, strengthens memory pathways in the brain, so your child is consolidating their learning simply by talking about it.
Dr Andrew Martin from UNSW Sydney says:
“When children articulate what they have learned, they are not just reporting, they are strengthening their understanding.”
2. What Challenged You Today?
Learning doesn’t always come easy. In fact, some of the best learning happens when things don’t go according to plan. By asking your child what challenged them, you’re sending the message that it’s okay to struggle a little. In fact, struggling is a sign that learning is happening.
Example Response:
“I couldn’t figure out how to multiply with decimals, and it made me feel frustrated.”
Follow-Up:
“That must have been tough! But the fact that you kept going means you’re really learning. What do you think helped you push through that frustration?”
By focusing on the challenges, you’re helping your child see that learning isn’t just about getting everything right, it’s about embracing the process, mistakes, and all. Australian psychologist Dr Lea Waters from The University of Melbourne emphasises that resilience grows when children are supported through manageable stress and encouraged to reflect on setbacks.
Research from the Australian Psychological Society shows that children who are supported to discuss challenges develop stronger emotional regulation and academic persistence. Normalising the challenge removes shame, and shame is what shuts learning down.
3. What Do You Still Need to Learn or What’s Next?
Learning is a journey, not a destination. By asking, “What’s next?” or “What do you still need to learn?” you’re encouraging your child to think about the bigger picture. It’s a subtle way of reminding them that school isn’t just about acing one test or assignment, it’s about the excitement of the next challenge.
Example Response:
“I need to figure out how to solve word problems with bigger numbers.”
Follow-Up:
“Great goal! Do you think there’s a specific part of the problem that’s tricky for you? I bet with practice, you’ll nail it.”
This question helps your child adopt a mindset that learning is ongoing, and there’s always something new to explore. It’s about keeping the curiosity alive and fostering a love for learning that extends beyond the classroom. According to The University of Sydney, developing a future-oriented mindset and goal-setting skills is strongly linked to long-term academic motivation.
Turning Conversations into a Daily Habit
At first, these questions might feel a bit unfamiliar to your child. It’s likely that they’re used to the usual, “What did you do today?”, but that doesn’t mean they won’t warm up to these new questions. Just be patient and ask them every day. Over time, your child will start to tune in during the school day, keeping these questions in mind as they learn and experience new things. By doing this, you’ll be creating a habit that gets them thinking about their own learning, and you’ll be building a stronger connection to their educational journey.
Consider keeping a learning journal as a family. It could be as simple as a notebook where each person writes down one thing they learned that day. Or, ask your child to draw a picture of what challenged them and what they look forward to learning next. Australian literacy research shows that writing and drawing about learning strengthens comprehension and retention. This not only tracks their progress but also makes learning something you celebrate together.
Why These Questions Matter
The beauty of these questions is that they do more than just spark conversation, they help shape your child’s attitude toward learning. By asking questions that focus on what they’re learning, what challenges they face, and what’s next, you’re teaching them that learning is a process, not a task to be checked off. It’s a lifelong journey that’s full of ups and downs, but it’s worth every step.
Researchers at Queensland University of Technology confirm that reflective dialogue improves executive functioning, focus, planning, and independence. In simple terms, talking about learning literally changes the brain in ways that support lifelong learning.
So, next time you’re picking your child up from school, try asking, “What did you learn today?” instead of the usual “What did you do?” You might be surprised by the answers you get—and how much more engaged your child becomes in their own learning.
Age-by-Age Conversation Tips
Early Primary (Prep, Year 2): Use drawings, hands-on demonstrations, and concrete examples.
Upper Primary (Years 3, 6): Ask about strategies, mistakes, and problem-solving approaches to foster metacognition.
Tweens, Early Teens: Ask about surprises, reflections, or changing opinions. Give autonomy and avoid interrogation.
Autonomy-supportive conversations are linked to stronger academic motivation and engagement (Martin, 2013).
The Family Challenge
Want to see how these questions can impact your family’s conversations? Give it a go for a week. Ask your child these questions every day, and see how it changes the way they think about school. You might notice that your child starts to approach learning with more excitement and curiosity, whether it’s about the math lesson they struggled with or the story they read in class.
Try the 7-Day Family Conversation Challenge:
Day 1: What did you learn?
Day 2: What challenged you?
Day 3: What strategy helped?
Day 4: What mistake taught you something?
Day 5: What surprised you?
Day 6: What are you proud of?
Day 7: What’s next?
Repeat weekly and watch engagement grow.
Final Thoughts
It’s amazing how something as simple as a conversation can make a big difference in your child’s educational experience. By asking the right questions, you’re not only helping your child reflect on what they’ve learned, but you’re also shaping their attitude toward learning itself. You’re building reflection, resilience, confidence, and a lifelong love for learning, all while strengthening your parent-child connection.
So, the next time your child steps through the door, try to ask more than just “What did you do today?” Ask about what they learned, what challenged them, and what’s next. You might just be amazed at what they share—and how much more they value their education in the process.
References
Australian Council for Educational Research. (2020). Student engagement and school improvement research findings. ACER Press.
Australian Curriculum, Assessment and Reporting Authority. (2022). General capabilities in the Australian Curriculum. ACARA.
Australian Institute of Family Studies. (2014). Parental engagement in learning and schooling: Lessons from research. AIFS.
Australian Psychological Society. (2015). Building resilience in children and adolescents. APS.
Hattie, J. (2012). Visible learning for teachers: Maximising impact on learning. Routledge Australia.
Martin, A. J. (2013). Academic buoyancy and resilience: Exploring ‘everyday’ and ‘classic’ resilience in the face of academic adversity. School Psychology International, 34(5), 488–500.
Waters, L. (2017). The strength switch: How the new science of strength-based parenting can help your child and your teen to flourish. Scribe Publications.
Queensland University of Technology. (2019). Executive function and learning research summary. QUT Faculty of Education.
The University of Melbourne. (2021). Cognitive science and classroom learning briefings. Melbourne Graduate School of Education.
The University of Sydney. (2018). Motivation and future orientation in adolescent learners. Faculty of Education and Social Work.
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