South West Wellbeing Centre

South West Wellbeing Centre

Jay Anderson

Holiday time can be tricky for many families. It’s the end of the year – children are exhausted, parents are busy. Spending time together can be a challenge, particularly if things are not going well. So many times, I hear parents speak of how they dread the holidays, how they “hate it”! Everyone is not getting along, the kids are bored, and the parents want school to start again. Other families enjoy the holidays and extra time together – extra activities, fun times, even holidays. What is it that makes this difference?

Pam Leo in her book “Connection Parenting” (Leo 2007) outlines that “a consistent, loving connection with at least one adult is essential to create a healthy, strong parent/child bond that children need to thrive” (2007:15). She described the importance of how connecting through communication builds relationship. Leo outlined that “every word we say to children affects their self-worth and self-esteem. Our words either encourage children or discourage them. So”how we talk and how we listen determines whether communication leads to connection and co-operation or disconnection and conflict” (Leo 2007: 99). She outlined that speaking respectfully and listening with love builds connection, and that listening with love is listening with empathy and compassion. This particular perspective is referred to as “Connection Parenting” – parenting through connection instead of coercion through love instead of fear.

Here are some things that will help you this holiday season……

  • Try and see the world thru their eyes. Dr Stephen Covey (Covey 2000) said that “the greatest human need is to be understood”.
  • Listen more. I am sure you heard the saying “we have two ears and one mouth…use your ears twice as much as your mouth”. Next time you are with your child, practice listening more than talking. Be interested. Be curious. Really “listen”
  • Understanding challenging times & triggers – getting to know yourself and your child is essential. Understanding what you can and can’t handle is important. We all get irritated when we are tired, and added emotions make it harder to connect. Some children and adults are easily agitated by the sensory world – heat or by small sounds. Taking a break or having some rest time can help everyone with this.
  • Help children with their emotions. This will mean that the adult needs to be in control of their own emotions. And “helping” can be as simple as “acknowledging” and “Reflecting”. For example, you look sad.  That must have been hard.  Do you want some quiet time drawing for a while or would you like to listen to some music with me.  Or it could be – I can see you are upset. You could come and help me or you could choose to have some alone time.  Just by labelling your child’s feelings and acknowledging them can help them know that you care and understand them.
  • Try and focus on strengths and interests. What is your child interested in. There will be a number of things that really excite them and make them happy. Spend some time doing some of these things together.

Let’s consider some relationship building activities:

  • Make some cake or biscuits together. Let the kids make a mess and be ok about it
  • Read a book together in the evenings.
  • Play a simple card game together like Uno or snap
  • Plant some plants together – let everyone choose some veggies to grow
  • Plan an outing to a park – in the morning when everyone is rejuvenated and fresh.
  • Have a picnic with friends – catching up with others
  • Go to the beach for a walk at sunset
  • Go for a bike ride at a park (have a nice destination in mind)
  • Get a soccer ball and kick it around the backyard together

Have a think about how your parent-child relationship is going and what could be different.

Enjoy your summer!! Jay can be contacted for more information on info@mychildmyfamily.com.au

 

You may also like to read:

Surviving the Holidays with your Baby

Fun Ways to Keep Children Learning During School Holidays