Kiddipedia
How young should you encourage children to start household chores?
As parents we constantly look to others, fellow parents and experts alike, to confirm that we’re ‘doing it right’. Nutrition, milestones, health, schooling, extra-curricular activities – how much, when, and where.
One question that pops up regularly is at what age kids can manage which chores. In fact, there is a whole industry of parenting experts happy to share with you their chore by age charts, telling you exactly which chores you can expect your child to take off your hands at what ages!
Herein lies the problem, as I see it. None of us wants to do chores – defined as a tedious but necessary task. Asking young children to do something tedious, and undesirable, just so that we don’t have to is not only unfair, but could also be considered selfish. Yet we justify it by explaining that children doing chores teaches them responsibility.
What if, instead, we taught the next generation that Household Management is a Household Responsibility, and everyone that contributes to the ‘mess’ is responsible for maintaining the environment so that it is comfortable for all?
When I think about my home, I want to be left with a feeling of security, comfort and safety. I know that every parent wants this for their children too. Yet we continue to model that the effort needed to maintain this wonderful space creates stress and a sense of resentment.
A big part of that resentment comes from the dynamic whereby household management tasks (cooking, cleaning, washing) are called chores and allocated to those in the household. This leads to a sense that ‘it’s some-one else’s job’ or even ‘some-one else (usually Mum) will do it’. To counter this, parents create systems of rewards, or removal of privileges, based on the completion of chores.
No wonder we grow up hating housework!
My idea of a secure, comfortable, safe home is one where household management is truly a household responsibility. While my household is yet to totally achieve this nirvana, I am ever conscious of the expectations and reactions I model.
My children began clearing their plates from the table as soon as they could walk confidently. Soon after, they began helping with unloading the dishwasher, matching clean socks and wiping their sticky finger marks off the coffee table.
As they grew, gaining dexterity and understanding, the expectations of their responsibilities towards household management grew. Soon they were folding all the clean washing, and then they began sorting the washing. Meal-time management started to include their setting the table, preparing the salad, and even choosing the recipe.
They are now teenagers, and I am still far from perfect when it comes to curbing my Mum martyrdom, so household management is not yet totally a household responsibility. I was very pleased though, a few weeks ago when I went away for a girls’ long weekend, and both my children (and my husband) stepped up to manage the household.
I came home to a clean house, the washing done, and the weekly meal plan written and shopped for. The best part though, was that I hadn’t discussed any of this with them before I left. They were all so proud and happy to have managed the household on their own, and non-one felt the need to point it out or ask Mum for praise!
Eva Rado is a working mum of 2 gorgeous teenagers who continues to enjoy the journey of self-discovery and improvement that modern parenting provides. Her passion lies in sharing that journey, and her learnings, hoping to inspire others to always work towards being their most exhilarated selves while supporting the next generation to grow into the most caring, successful human beings possible. She does this primarily through her Facebook page, Eva Rado – Home Management Specialist (@evaradohms).
