After school activities- Are your kids doing too many?

As a working parent and teacher, I understand the demands of my kids’ extra commitments and what it takes to not only pay for extra-curricular activities but also the logistics and time spent transporting and doing the activities. In contrast, there are some families who don’t participate in any team sports or regular activities outside of school hours, while some parents are hard-pressed to find time for themselves as they are ferrying their kids around to more than one place on any given week night. So, where does your family fit into this picture?

As part of my work, I sometimes tutor children after school. These children need extra support in Reading, Spelling and Writing. While it can be argued that there’s no time to ‘wait and see’ if we hear alarm bells ringing about our kids’ learning and learning gaps which appear to be widening, we should ask ourselves; when do we go down the tutoring track when our kids are already exhausted after a day struggling at school? Here are some questions to consider:

What does the child need and want?

There is a difference. Do they want to be helped? If so, then that’s your green light to go ahead with tutoring. Ask other parents who have worked with reputable tutors. They may know the name of a supportive and nurturing tutor; one who is a trained practitioner. Word of mouth is always best.

Is the child anxious about extra help?

Does the child demonstrate a palpable anxiety about their learning issues? A gentler approach to extra- curricular tuition is needed. Support the child by consulting a child psychologist who can give stress management ideas. Mindfulness aps can also be very helpful.

Anxious children are not able to learn unless they feel safe:

‘ If a child feels safe, they can take risks,

ask questions, make mistakes,

learn to trust share their feelings

and grow.’

(Alfie Kohn)

Is there balance after school hours?

Compare the hours spent doing sport, homework, tutoring, socialising and relaxing. If you find yourself often rushing to make all the activities happen, then this is not sustainable. As parents, we need to look after ourselves too. (We know this but often, we come last, albeit by our own desire to give our kids great experiences and to develop their other skills.) Consider carpooling with another parent. It’s a win-win and could free you up for some self-care. If your child is doing more than 3 extra-curricular activities, they are probably doing too much. If you have more than one child, you know how this can play out.

Indoors too often?

Do your kids get enough physical activity? If the answer is no, then playing one team sport that interests your child, is recommended. Playing three sports, together with weekly training for all of them, would be asking too much for me as a parent. Some families do and so it’s important to ask:

What are your family’s priorities?

Think objectively about how rushed your week nights usually are. Are all the extra activities important? It might pay to make changes and enjoy the resulting ‘down time’ at home. Your child will more likely value the times they feel safe and relaxed at home with family than the many rushed ‘extras’ we ‘taxi parents’ organise for them. What’s right for other families might not be a good fit for yours and that’s OK.