Belinda Joyce
Dads are often left out of the pregnancy care and early parenting because they don’t carry the baby and because they often have to go back to work in the early weeks after the birth. But Dads are so very important to their baby and children.
In this article I have used the terms ‘Dad’ and ‘Father’ and I recognise that this doesn’t reflect every family’s reality. I hope the information is helpful to all partners and support people who have a new baby.
How can Dads Help with a Newborn
Dads often assume a support person role with lots of practical and emotional support to the new mother. They may take a lead on certain tasks, many Dads love bathing their baby and changing nappies after a breastfeed.
Taking your unsettled baby to give mum a break, it can share the load when you pass them back and forth.
Practical support such as household tasks, dishes, washing clothes, making meals are very helpful when Mums often spend many hours breastfeeding and meeting the needs of the baby.
Once you have returned to work a simple text when you’re heading home to check if you partner needs anything picked up on the way home such as milk, takeaway, nappies is more helpful than you will ever know.
Bonding with the Baby
Those early days and weeks are an important time to get to know your baby.
My husband loved carrying our baby around the house in a sling that allowed skin to skin contact, the baby loved it too. Showering together is another chance for some skin to skin contact and it’s fun too!
Just spending time together is the key.
How can Dad’s Support Breastfeeding
Dads can help with breastfeeding more than you know, just being there to tell your partner that they are doing a good job. In the early days, being a second pair of hands to let Mum get all set up and comfortable before handing her the baby to feed.
Dad’s will often remember some of the advice from the childbirth education classes or the midwives at the hospital. This can help as you remind your partner that it’s normal to have some challenges before getting it right.
Playing with Your Baby
Babies need a relationship with both parents, even if mum is the primary carer, baby’s love playing with their Dad.
Dad’s often play differently to Mums with their babies and children. Early on it’s important to be gentle with your baby but as they grow and become more robust you can gradually play more enthusiastically. Do remember to be gentle with your baby and don’t play in a way that may ‘shake’ your baby’s head, like throwing them up in the air and catching them-their brain can bounce around inside their skull and cause irreversible brain damage.
Get down on the floor with your baby and practice tummy time, show then some toys and books, sing to them or tell them about your day. Remember you are your baby’s favourite toy!
Take your baby for a walk in the pram, tell them about the world and show them interesting things.
Dads Need Selfcare Too
It’s important for Dads to have some selfcare as well. This doesn’t need to be a large costly day out, just catching up with a mate, training or playing sport or even just having an uninterrupted shower.
Often Dads walk out of a busy day at work and into their home which in the early weeks and months may be high pressure with minimal sleep. And even though they have been at work all day and it was a break from the baby, it’s not time out.
Dads Mental Health
Many Dads don’t realise that they too are at risk of anxiety and depression during the perinatal period which extends from pregnancy all the way through to your baby’s first birthday. And if your partner is suffering mental health challenges this increases the risk.
It’s normal to have hard days and even weeks with lack of sleep, massive workload of parenting a new baby but if you are feeling anxious, depressed or just not yourself please talk to your GP, there is support available and you are not alone.
The Importance of 1 on 1 Time with Baby
When Dads are alone with their baby, they are never babysitting, they are parenting or being a Dad! It’s important to have some alone time with your baby for a few reasons, it gives your partner some time out, it allows you to get used to caring for your baby alone. But most importantly it allows you to care for your baby in your own way, you will find ways to do things that are different to your partner’s and that is okay.
My husband used to love taking the baby out with him shopping or for a walk in the pram and this gave me time for a nap. I, like many Mums did have trouble with letting him do things with the baby his own way but it got easier as I realised his way worked for him and we all do things differently.
Becoming a parent is a massive life changing event for both parents. As a society, let’s try to build new Dads up, acknowledge the changes that are required, provide more flexible work arrangements if possible and ask them how they’re going in this new and very important role.
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