Fussy Eater Solutions
If you have a fussy eater there is no doubt you have looked for ways to alleviate the burden that mealtime represents. What if you could find that perfect recipe? Something that would get the nutrition right and that your child would eat happily.
Your job would be done and you could concentrate on other aspects of your family life. However fussy eating nags at you from breakfast to lunch box to the dinner table.
Are you trying too hard? Is it too intense? Are you constantly stressed? Want to take a step back? IS it time you stopped fussy eating from driving you over the edge or reason?
Here are my 5 stop sign recommendations
Reduce the guilt
You spend time wondering what you could have done better, why your child does not like your cooking, why your child is not getting the nutrients you are concerned about. Guilt shows up as soon as you think about feeding your child. The problem with guilt is that it can trigger you to make the wrong decisions (see hereafter). Once you acknowledge guilt is a problem, you can deal with it. The best way to start reducing guilt is to use the division of responsibility or DOR. That is because you and your child have different jobs in feeding. Once you come to terms with what your job is at mealtimes you will feel relief.
End the search
There isn’t a magic recipe, a dish you can cook that comes with a guarantee that your child will eat it. Even Google cannot produce this. However, coming together with a list of family meals you can produce over a two or three weeks period will provide both the exposure and the variations you need to expand your child’s food repertoire.
Family recipes aim for hearty, comforting, palatable foods. Meals can be assembled, with ready to go sauces, or readily cooked components (e.g. roasted chicken). You can pan-fry, sauté or grill simple dishes (using meat, fish or eggs, tofu, vegetables). You can roast all of those too. You can produce stews and casseroles using lentils and chickpeas as well. If your child is a sweet tooth, you can roast vegetables, glaze carrots with honey, cook vegetables with Asian recipes. You can produce simple meals that are not bland. In fact, some fat and some seasoning improve the eating experience. So while no recipe can help a fussy eater, offering simple, palatable family food is a good direction to take with the family.
Stop the therapy session
As your child touches a food you praise them, they put something in their mouth, there’s a cheer! Here you are singing along, even praising the food you are eating. I worked with two exhausted parents a while ago, every dinner had become this playful session and both parents baby talked to each other to make their role modeling more effective. “Is daddy eating this carrot? Yes he is! It is so yummy! Now daddy, can you see in the dark? Jack will too, if he eats his carrot!” Once we stopped and looked for sustainable ways to help support their children, both parents felt relieved. There are ways to make mealtime more natural and casual, so it can be sustained for years. And between you and I you are not your child’s therapist. One simple thing you can do is change the conversation at dinner. It may pay to talk about your day at dinner or ask the children questions that will help them develop resilience.
Rethink overloading the lunchbox
If you think that placing a wide selection of food in the lunchbox will help your child eat, think again. It can produce the opposite. In fact, your child may be so overwhelmed with choice they do not know where to start. You may need to factor in the time your child may need to open various food items. Some children are still fidgeting with various bits of packaging, as their friends are ready to play. If they stop eating and go playing they have not had sufficient time to eat. Learn to trust that your child can feed themselves with fewer options. Have your child unwrap some items and place them in a plastic container before school.
Simplify prep time
Who would have thought that you would be so dedicated to pleasing the various palates of the family and cooking 2 or 3 different meals? Who would have thought you would create art in a plate and spend hours shaping carrots and cucumbers? Now that is not making your child learn about variety nor is it making them eat better. However, it is creating a substantial amount of work for you. Every time you cater for your child you miss an opportunity to expose them to other foods. Every time you make a funky plate in the hope that a carrot or a bean will be eaten; you are focused on the wrong outcome. Your number one desired outcome could be that your child is happy to sit down for a meal and is ready for it (hungry enough, rested enough). You can offer a meal that has a mix of food your child can eat and discover. For example, if you serve a new dish, that new dish may be composed of items your child can eat, and items that may be more challenging. Here your goal can be that your child works out what he can eat out of your offering. The skill is not ingesting the disliked food at this stage. Ideally, a list of dishes you can serve over a two or three weeks period, will provide regular exposure.
Overdoing it, trying too hard has you misplace your energy. It has you exhausted and disheartened. This is no state to be in, as it will take a toll on you and is likely to reinforce your child’s eating difficulties. Today is the day when you can walk away from the edge of reason. Hopefully with this advice you can start re-framing what you need to do to make your feeding journey easier. Are you ready to turn the tide on stressful family dinners?
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