Kiddipedia
It’s never ok to put someone else down or yourself for that matter. But unfortunately, mum shaming is something every mum will experience at some stage during their life as a mum, whether it’s your first baby or your 10th baby someone is going to have an opinion about something that you’re doing as a parent.
So I am in a few mum pages on Facebook as I’m sure a lot of mums are or they wouldn’t exist! Generally, these pages are meant to be a safe place for mums to ask for advice and help from other mums, to make mum friends, to get things off their chest and have a release. To feel like they aren’t alone, that it’s not just their two year old having the world’s biggest meltdown in the middle of a supermarket over the fact you told them they couldn’t have the chocolate freddo they have asked for at least 5 times. I’m sure most of us have been there and if you haven’t then you are one lucky mumma! But unfortunately, there is still a few mums that feel the need to be judgy and put others down or make them feel like they’re a bad mum. Just because they don’t agree with your parenting choices.
Just as there has always been a breastfed vs formula fed and what is the best debate and I’m sure there always will be, there is also the homemade baby food vs bought baby food debate. And this is what I have recently been mum shamed on. For me personally, I’m not much of a cook. I know how to cook, I can make basic meals to eat but I don’t really enjoy cooking. So I have always just bought baby food, it’s easier than trying to come up with great food combinations they may or may not eat.
With my first, I wasn’t too sure about most things and was just winging it. I had no idea about stewing apples, had never tried it and still haven’t. So we bought a few 4-month-old baby food jars and tried her with them and guess what she ate them! And she liked them! We also tried her with some homemade foods like mashed pumpkin and potato and she wasn’t a huge fan. As she got older she started to have more of our food and less of the bought baby foods. When my second baby came along I had a little more knowledge but again we did the same process food wise, started with some baby food jars and then introduced our food. Now I have three kids and life is busy and at times crazy. It’s definitely easier to just buy the baby food rather than making it. And he actually eats the food! Being 10 months he has been having our foods as well and he eats that too. I’ve been pretty lucky with my third baby he LOVES food and eats just about everything. Whereas my two girls are so fussy I guess they take after me as I was a fussy child myself and still am as an adult.
Anyway back on topic. I was reading a post in one of the mums Facebook pages about baby food and nappies. A mum was asking for advice and opinions on what was better and what everyone used. I commented with what I have used for my kids for both nappies and food. And while I got an appreciative and positive response from the poster about the nappies, another mum replied to my comment about the baby food where I had said that I feed my son baby food pouches and jars. She decided to tell me that I shouldn’t be feeding him them as they aren’t good for them, they’re full of sugar. My response was that I had tried him with homemade food and he wasn’t a fan, he preferred the packet foods. I know its hard with social media things don’t always come across how you expect them to, but there is no need for comments like that. You don’t know anything about someone else’s life just from a comment or a photo. This mum probably had no idea I was a mum of three or that I had tried to feed him my own foods or that I just choose the easier option. So while she is entitled to her opinion there is no need to challenge mine.
Not only did I get that on Facebook but I had a doctor’s appointment for my son as he had diarrhoea for a bit over a week so I had taken him to get looked at and we were having a follow-up visit when she asked me if he was on solids and what he was eating. As soon as I said baby food pouches and jars she asked if I had read how much sugar is in them. No, I have not but there is sugar in just about everything we eat these days. Yes, some things have more sugar than others but its hard to avoid it, and when you have 3 kids close in age that keep you busy you want something to make your life that little bit easier. If it was really that bad surely it wouldn’t be on the shelf, it has to meet a standard to be made and sold and it needs certain additives to last on the shelf.
One saying I have lived by since becoming a mum is whatever works! If your kid loves everything you cook then great! If they prefer packaged food then great. If your kid gets nappy rash with all the “cheaper” brand nappies and you have to buy the more expensive ones then that’s what you have to do. If you want to do cloth nappies and be washing them constantly great if you want to use disposables then that’s fine too. As mums, we should be helping each other out not looking for any little thing to tear each other down with. We all have opinions, we all make choices based on our and our kid’s needs and what works for our family. Just because it doesn’t suit you or you don’t agree with what we choose doesn’t mean you can shame us and make us feel like crap or make us feel guilty and like we are doing the wrong thing.
This wasn’t my first experience with mum shaming and I’m sure it won’t be my last but what I do hope is that other mums out there that have experienced it don’t let it get to them, ignore the mum shamers. And for the mums out there shaming other mums STOP there is no reason to make another mum feel like shit. You should be giving helpful advice and respecting other mums choices not putting them down.
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