Kiddipedia
As parents, we always want what’s best for our children. We want them to be emotionally intelligent and hope to instil in them a sense of empathy and compassion so that they can grow up to be caring, considerate adults. But how do we go about doing that? It isn’t always easy to teach our kids about empathy and emotional intelligence, especially when sometimes it feels like we ourselves are still learning. Thankfully, there are some things we can do to help encourage empathy in our children and set them on the path to becoming compassionate people.
To effectively teach Emotional Intelligence and Empathy it is essential to understand the difference between the two. Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and manage our own and deal with others’ emotions, empathy is the ability to understand how others feel.
Children can get very busy in their own world, and most of the time they don’t mean to be “selfish”. They are just too preoccupied with the ideas going through their minds that they “forget” that their behaviours might affect others.
The first step in teaching children Emotional Intelligence and Empathy is teaching them Self-regulation.
Help children develop self-control and manage feelings effectively.
Often when children don’t express empathy, it’s not because they don’t have it. It’s because some feeling or image is blocking their empathy. Often the ability to care for others is overwhelmed, for example, by anger, shame, envy, or other negative feelings.
Helping children manage these negative feelings is often what “releases” their empathy.
Help children develop emotional vocabulary.
Teach your child how to name their feelings. So often, kids get confused about their feeling because they don’t know exactly what they are feeling. The lack of options for describing the feeling leads them to resort to anger because it is one of the first feelings kids learn to identify. When kids have more vocabulary to explain what they feel, they are more likely to get it right.
Help them understand where their feelings are coming from
Help your child identify what caused them to feel big emotions and help them find effective ways to deal with those feelings. For example, tell your child: “You are FEELING disappointed BECAUSE your friends aren’t coming over anymore.” Help them identify the emotion and give them ideas on how to cope, like receiving a hug from you or taking ten mindful breaths.
Empathise with your child and model empathy for others.
Children learn empathy both from watching us and from experiencing our empathy for them. When we empathise with our children, they develop trusting, secure attachments with us.
Empathising with our children takes many forms. This includes, tuning in to their physical and emotional needs, understanding and respecting their individual personalities, taking a genuine interest in their lives, and guiding them toward activities that reflect an understanding of the kind of people they are and the things they enjoy.
Children also learn empathy by watching those we notice and appreciate. They’ll notice if we treat a server in a restaurant or the postman with respect or if we welcome a new family to the school.
Make caring for others a priority.
If children are to value others’ perspectives and show compassion for them, it’s very important that they hear from their parents that caring about others is a top priority and that it is just as important as their own happiness.
Emotional Intelligence and Empathy are critical skills for both children and adults to have. It allows us to understand and share our feelings and the feelings of others. Which can lead to more meaningful relationships and better communication. Teaching your child these skills is not difficult, but it does require time and effort.
My name is Daniele. I’m a registered psychologist and founder of Superpower Kids, a program that delivers social-emotional learning resources to thousands of children in Australia and globally.
My work has appeared on:
https://mindfulparenting.com.au/contributors/daniele-clarke/
https://thenaturalparentmagazine.com/teaching-values-based-life-skills-emotional-health-for-kids/
https://thenaturalparentmagazine.com/reframing-failure-can-help-us-grow/?v=d76c77a873e2
You can check out the Superpower Kids blog here:
https://www.superpowerkids.net
Please let me know what you think of this idea or need more information.
Thank you
Daniele Clarke
