Kiddipedia
Pregnancy is an exciting time for most couples as you get ready for your new arrival – be it thinking of potential names, buying tiny baby clothes or planning the nursery. But it is also a time to acknowledge the big life changes ahead, particularly if it’s yours or your partner’s first child as it’s all new, unknown (and sometimes scary!) territory.
However, thinking ahead and coming to terms with the responsibility of a child can be unsettling as you consider the impact on your life – be it your day-to-day routine, your social life, your career or the implication on your finances – as well as the reality of looking after a little human! So it is incredibly common for you to have mixed feelings during your pregnancy which may put a strain on your relationship.
Communicate clearly
While there may be challenges along the way, it is also a great time to build the bond between you and make your relationship even stronger. Communicating and sharing your excitement, concerns, fears and feelings will be crucial to ensuring a healthy relationship during pregnancy as well as when the baby arrives.
Talk to each other regularly about the upcoming changes and discuss how having a child will affect your lives and relationship. If you are taking time off work and are worried about money, look into whether there is any additional support available to you or areas where you could make savings. Discuss how having a baby will impact on your independence and how you will support one another to make sure you still have ‘me’ time as well as couples time.
Intimacy
You might find your sex life also changes which could create tension. One of you might feel like it whilst the other might find their libido is less than buoyant – make sure you talk about this and not let it build up into resentment. Make time to be close and intimate with one another – be it holding hands, cuddling on the sofa or regular loving gestures throughout the day. It doesn’t have to lead to sex but it will still stimulate those bonding hormones.
Hormones associated with pregnancy can also have an effect on a woman’s mental wellbeing and even the most independent might need extra support and reassurance, so be mindful of this if your partner is experiencing mood swings. That said, research has shown men can also experience hormonal disruption during and after a pregnancy so it’s important to bear this in mind too.
How to grow your relationship during pregnancy
There are lots of ways to do this as a couple:
Go to appointments and antenatal classes together
Even the most involved partner can often feel left out as they’re not physically carrying the baby and don’t experience the first kick or the sense of change as it develops. Make sure you do things together such as medical appointments and antenatal classes. This will not only prepare you for the birth, but also give you both that ‘we are in this together’ confirmation. Do as much as you can as a couple from choosing your buggy to putting together the birth plan.
Be romantic
Make sure you schedule dedicated time together and plan ahead. Organise regular date nights, pamper and treat one another. Take the opportunity now to have a weekend away and do all the things that will likely have to be put on hold once the baby arrives.
Intimacy is key
While your sex drive may change during pregnancy, intimacy is key to building your bond, and it doesn’t have to lead to sex. Anything which involves physical contact between you both will keep that spark alive. Massage, stroking each other, holding hands, hugging, kissing all make you feel that physical closeness and bring you together. the best thing you can give your back y is two parents who love each other and them
Talk about things other than the baby!
It is easy to become a baby bore when you are pregnant as there is so much to consider – but take a break from the conversation and make sure you have time to talk about other things. Even if it’s just asking each other about how your day has been, watching a movie together and chatting about it afterwards. Don’t forget to compliment each other as well – little texts, notes and I love you go a long way!
Reduce your anxiety and ask for help before the baby arrives
When the baby arrives, all your focus will be on looking after your bundle of joy. So before the birth, enlist friends and family to help out in those early days when you’re back home with the baby and make life easier for yourselves. Ask if they will help with shopping, cooking meals, running errands in exchange for new baby cuddles.
And finally…
If you feel that the issues with your partner extend beyond any the pregnancy has created and there is already a strain on the relationship, be mindful that when the baby arrives, it is likely to intensify. Consider getting support or couples therapy before the baby is born to resolve your problems and give yourself a fresh start.
If you are feeling particularly anxious about pregnancy and birth, my Perfect Pregnancy and Pain Free Hypnotic Birth audios will encourage you to use the power of your mind to relax and rewire your mind to make the birthing process a more positive experience!
Marisa Peer is a world-renowned therapist, relationship expert and best-selling author. She has developed a therapeutic method called Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) that can help support people’s mental wellbeing more quickly than some traditional approaches. In 2015 she established the RTT School and has helped to train thousands of therapists globally. Her latest best-seller, Tell Yourself A Better Lie, is available on Amazon.
