The Wellness Poet

The Wellness Poet

By Krissy Regan The Wellness Poet

 

Balance and Compromise, two words that take on a whole new meaning as a parent.  I will talk about this from a Mum’s perspective as I feel well qualified to write about this topic.

Motherhood is a wonderful gift and comes with many compromises in my opinion. The ones that come to mind most easily are;

  • Sleep – will I ever have a full night’s sleep again?
  • Career – will I ever earn the same amount of money again as I did before I became a working mum, or, be able to leave home at a moment’s notice and work on any project I choose?
  • Health and Fitness – will I ever get my body back, or are my breast-fed boobs, wrinkly belly and c-section scar the ornaments I will have to clean for the rest of my life? Will my back, neck and arms ever not ache?  Will I be able to play sport again and go on social sporting weekends with my friends, or, am I destined to be Mum Taxi for the rest of my life? Will I ever be able to eat a hot meal at my own dinner table uninterrupted??
  • Alone time – will I have to beg my family for alone time for the next 18years? “Mummy is on the toilet right now; I will help you when I’m done!”
  • Finances – will I ever be able to go shopping and not feel guilty about buying something just because I like it? Do I have any money left after I pay for the needs of a growing family?
  • Socialising – will I ever be able to have a night out with my friends, and lay in bed (guilt-free) till lunch time the next day, instead of being woken up at dawn?
  • Will my car ever not smell of sick and snacks?

 

If those comments make you uncomfortable, I apologise but here’s the THING!  I have needs too!! Yes, I have needs.  And the longer I am parent, and the more I compromise for my family, and the more I try to find balance in my life I realise that my needs are VERY important, and I cannot, and will not, compromise my needs forever if I’m to be a healthy and fulfilled working mum!

So, what decisions have I made in order to balance my own needs with my families and not to compromise my life away?

  1. Acknowledge that my work is important to me and let my family see that too.
  2. Acknowledge that I deserve to have fun and play too.
  3. Recognise that my family do not know what’s best for me. Only I know that!
  4. Stocktake my needs as well as my children and partners.
  5. Decide that sometimes my children and partner will have to compromise so that my needs can be met.
  6. Know that every afternoon and weekend does not have to be “Mum Taxi” time. I can plan stuff for myself as well, and if that means sometimes the kids miss out then so be it.
  7. I won’t overspend on my kid’s activities just to make them happy. I want to do stuff too.
  8. I will find alone time and cherish it.
  9. I will love my body just how it is, but I do want to be fit and healthy.
  10. I will balance my expectations so that my personal goals, career goals and family goals can be achieved.

Since I made those 10 simple decisions which take practise, time and commitment to honour, I’m much fitter, healthier, happier and contented.  My needs are met, my compromises are not impacting my well-being and I have better balance in my life as a working mum!

It took me the best part of a decade to conceive my babies and it cost me a lot.  I had to juggle career with IVF which is extremely challenging and then to top it off my pregnancy and birth were filled with trauma and suffering.  It’s taken me the best part of another decade to align my needs with family and to recover my well-being.

Becoming a mum has been the best gift in the world.  Compromising all my needs as a mum has been one of the biggest challenges of my life.  I want to be truly honest about that, as it was not in any brochure or book that I read as an expecting or new mum.  I meet many mums who are burnt out, suffering and compromising too much, feeling unloved, unheard and alone.  It pains me to see mum’s feeling this way but I recognise myself in them and share their challenge.  I encourage them to review their needs, conduct a self-care needs analysis and stock-take their compromises.

Mums deserve to be healthy, loved and cared for.  We need to enable ourselves to have that through the decisions we make and compromises we strike along the way. If you need some help to do a stock-take please reach out to me!


Krissy Regan is The Wellness Poet and Founder of Mindful Mums Queensland.  She is author of 3 new books;

Broken to Unbreakable, 12 Steps to an Unbreakable Mind, Body & Spirit.

The Koala who Lost his Heart.

Bobby, a Horse who teaches a young girl how to Love.  

Krissy wrote these books whilst working part-time at home, raising 2 small children and juggling the demands of her household.

Krissy offer’s workshops, retreats and 1-1 coaching and launched her global online wellness school at the start of 2021. You can register right here; https://krissy-regans-wellness-movement-mindful-mums-3.teachable.com/

You can contact Krissy Regan at mindfulmumsqld@gmail.com or follow Mindful Mums Qld on Facebook and Instagram @mindfulmumsqld and view Krissy’s work here:  https://www.thewellnesspoet.com/