Connected Parenting
As a mum of four boys. Believe me when I say I get it when people say their kids are not listening. Some days I feel like I tell one of my kids to put their shoes on 17 times and they simply don’t respond. It’s frustrating!
However, it can be really helpful to understand that our kids are not being naughty or disobeying us deliberately. Their brains are still developing, and essentially they are unable to multitask, so if they are emersed in play they may look like they are ignoring you but actually they just need us to communicate a bit differently in order for them to HEAR us.
Here are five steps to helping your child to hear you:
First we need to ‘acknowledge’.. explain..?
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Connection
This is all about noticing what they are doing. In a nutshell – kids are more able to process instructions that require them to change direction better if we acknowledge where they are at first. So your child might be playing LEGO and you notice what they have built or ask them about it. This makes them feel seen and heard.
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Touch
Touch is a wonderful way to tune their bodies in to hear us. By simply touching your childs shoulder or getting down low and close, and being physically near your child it lets them know you are there. This helps them to ‘tune in’.
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Whisper, don’t yell
Let’s be honest none of us really feel great when we are being yelled at.
For kids, when our volume goes up, their ability to be calm and hear us goes down.
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Big gestures
90 per cent of our communication is non-verbal.. so our kids would be picking up on our gestures much more than our words. Big gestures allow our kids to ‘see’ what we man as well as her and this often helps them process our instructions. A wink or a big clear stop sign can communicate much more clearly than our words for our kids.
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Notice the emotions
Sometimes our kids can’t listen because they are processing emotions. It’s really important to be able to spot the moments when despite us following all the steps, our child is not putting on their shoes. This can be a moment of curiosity. We might notice “that’s not like my child normally…. I wonder what’s going on” spotting the emotions behind not listening can be a beautiful way to feel more connected with your child. Some days they simply need our help with the task, and other days this might initiate a conversation about what’s going on at school.
When we can view kids as generally doing the best they can, and know they actually do want to listen and get it right for us, but that they need us to change the way we communicate with them, so that that can hear us. The upside for us of course is that this often feels better and brings more peace to our homes.
Gen Muir is an Obstetric Social Worker, Parenting coach, and mum to four boys with a passion for helping parents in to understand behaviour and emotion in kids.
With the experience of working with over 40,000 parents though her work at the Mater and privately, Gen has a great understanding of the real challenges facing modern parents.
Website https://www.connectedparenting.com.au/
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/connectedparentingau/?hl=en
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/connectedparentinggenmuir
