Kiddipedia
We grow from childhood into adolescence and adulthood, carrying memories of how we were loved, guided and understood. Then, for many of us, a moment comes when we become responsible for a child of our own. No one hands us a manual. Yet suddenly we are expected to offer direction while still finding our own.
As a psychologist working with parents, I often see how raising a child brings our own childhoods closer. We draw on a mix of lived experience, family values, and everything we’ve learned about children’s needs. We may treasure the warmth of our upbringing while wanting to do some things differently. In an ordinary moment of exhaustion, we can hear our parents’ words leave our mouths, even as we search for our own words.
Somewhere in that tension, the child we once were can be tucked away. Playfulness, curiosity and dreams give way to the seriousness of being needed. We become a new version of ourselves before we have had time to understand what has changed.
Parenthood makes time feel both wistfully brief and exquisitely long. The days stretch, the years gather, and we begin to wonder where we have gone in them. Finding a way forward begins by making room for the person whose life is unfolding alongside our children’s: ourselves.
1. Notice what you miss without judging yourself
Perhaps you miss spontaneity, meaning, uninterrupted conversation, or being touched without someone needing something. Naming this can bring guilt, as though missing something means you are ungrateful for what you have.
Try completing this sentence: “One part of myself I have had little room for lately is…” Be specific. “I miss myself” can feel overwhelming. Try instead saying, “I miss making things with my hands”, to give yourself a place to begin. Let the answer be information rather than a verdict on your parenting.
2. Notice what catches your attention, then follow the clues
Sometimes we cannot remember what we want, but we notice what draws us in. You linger over a pottery class advertisement. A friend’s study plans stir something. Music reminds you of a version of yourself you haven’t thought about lately. A post about dancing lingers in your mind.
Before dismissing these responses as impractical, be curious. What appeals to you: creativity, learning, freedom, or companionship? Treat them as valuable information. You may not be able to enrol in a course immediately. You might borrow a book, attend a weekend session, or spend ten minutes sketching. Take your interest as a sign to make a little space for yourself.
3. Practise having a preference
When you spend years accommodating others, “whatever everyone wants” can become an automatic reflex. Start with everyday decisions. What would you like to eat? Which music would you choose? Would you prefer company or quiet?
Say your preference aloud without immediately withdrawing it. “I’d actually like to go for a walk.” “I feel like having ice cream.” “I would enjoy going to the beach on the weekend.”
Your preference will not always determine the family’s plans, but expressing it lets you participate as a person with your own wishes. Children can also learn that everyone in a family has a voice and a turn in deciding what to do. This fosters equality and models autonomy.
4. Make space by sharing responsibility
Reconnection needs practical support. It is difficult to rediscover yourself when every spare moment is taken up by ensuring everyone else’s tasks. Where possible, discuss ownership of responsibilities with a partner or support person. Owning a task means noticing, planning and following through, rather than waiting for instructions.
For solo parents or families with limited support, options may be less accessible, but not impossible: exchange childcare with a trusted friend, simplify expectations, or protect a short window of free time while children are at an activity. Your needs, ideas, and activities deserve consideration given your resources. A parent who is emotionally fulfilled is a better parent.
5. Connect with people who share your interests
We are wired for belonging and connection. As much as we love spending time with our families, we also need adult conversations where we can freely share our ideas, humour, passions and excitement for life. Seek out friends, colleagues or groups with shared interests who enjoy hearing what you think and have something of their own to share. There is room to talk about your children and about yourself. Being known beyond your role as a parent helps you reconnect with the person you are and the interests that make life feel like yours.
6. Make room for who you are becoming
Life keeps changing us. Experience and maturity reshape our values, deepen our understanding and reveal new sources of meaning. We grow alongside our children, evolving in mind, body and soul. Pause to ask: “What matters to me now? What dreams am I ready to make room for?” Revisit something that once sparked your enthusiasm or explore an interest you have only recently discovered. A meaningful life needs room for your hopes as well as for your family’s needs. You are still evolving, and your next chapter deserves something of your own.
Faye Evans, author of Soulful Simplicity: A Neuro-Spiritual Path to Living with Intention (Hardie Grant Media $34.99), is an experienced psychologist, speaker and Board-Approved Supervisor with more than 30 years’ experience in psychology and wellbeing. Her work integrates psychology, neuroscience, attachment, positive psychology, mindfulness and contemplative practice to explore how we can live with greater intention, meaning and connection. Based in Melbourne, Faye works with women navigating change, identity and the complexities of modern life. Visit https://soulfulsimplicity.com.au/
