Kiddipedia
Maintaining a home that is tidy but functional is something everyone needs to be jointly invested in. If it is one person in charge it will become too big a task and it will likely not happen, more likely creating frustration and resentment across the home.
But when it comes to mess, our kids are capable of more than we think. That is, provided we set them up with structures and age-appropriate expectations.
If you suddenly out of the blue, after 13 years of doing it yourself, yell at your teen “make your bed” – it’s probably not going to happen.
Here are 5 tips for a tidier home for toddlers to teens.
Model the right behaviour
A lot of the time we might become frustrated that our children aren’t putting things back where they belong. For example their bedroom may have become more of a ’floordrobe’, with the actual wardrobe completely empty. What I find in these scenarios is that they are probably not getting an understanding of that behaviour being modelled. It’s unlikely you’re undressing in front of them to pop your clothes in the basket.
One way to teach this is to draw attention to the tidying you do and explain why and how it’s done.
For example, don’t just have your own bed mysteriously appear made, do it at a time when your children are there having a chat and they can see you doing it. Also, fold clothes while they are around rather than the laundry fairy doing it when no one is looking.
Set a reasonable expectation
Create systems early that can be built upon as your children grow. A 2-year-old can’t make their bed. But they can perhaps pull up their doona cover or make sure their favourite teddy is placed back on the pillow. Over time these skills will build and build so that you are then not asking a 13 year old to make their bed, completely out of the blue.
Another example that works here is creating draw separators that encourage children to put their own clothes away. Maybe at first the only goal is for them to get in the right draw, then the right area, then eventually folded and put away.
By setting expectations that are achievable for their age children learn autonomy and responsibility. When they are able to complete the goal well, they will get a boost of confidence that encourages them to continue the behaviour.
Start with something they love
If your child loves Lego or dressing dolls, board games or sport – start with that area. Tidy that area together and explain the benefits to keeping that area tidy. By starting with something they will already love you will have a better chance of creating an understanding of the benefits of the goal. A neater LEGO area might make it easier to find the pieces they need, a tidy bucket of sporting balls will mean whenever they feel like playing they won’t need to go and find a pump for the flat ball.
Try not to immediately launch into the ‘you have to clean up’ narrative, but rather encourage a scenario where they see the benefits themselves. For a teenager you could ask what type of house they’d like to live in when they leave home. Would they like somewhere that has good energy and where other people want to be, do they want to be organised, well thought of by others and look after their things. Even ask if they need help with creating new systems that will achieve these goals.
Make it easy
Keeping your house in a manageable state shouldn’t be complicated – create systems that are simple and ingrained for everyone. Is there somewhere to put shoes by the door, or toys into buckets. Overcomplicating tidying up with anything fiddly will make it less likely to happen. Storage with lids, or where you have to lift one thing off another will inevitably result in something being left out.
Talk through your spending
There are fewer things to put away when you own fewer things. Teaching our children about what they really need is also a great financial life lesson. Be conscious of what you are spending and talk through those decisions with your children. Explain what you’re buying, why you’re buying and how you plan to use it. This will help children understand that they cannot and should not buy everything they want in this world. It will also show them that what they do buy they should really respect, look after and treat with care.
If we’re treating something with care, we’re more likely to put it away.
Kiah Bouchet from ‘Declutter with Kiah’ is a professional home organiser who helps her clients to reorganise, style and label, creating a home that is functional and able to be maintained. From home offices to toy rooms and messy pantries, Kiah brings a compassionate, understanding and wholistic approach to her service.
Her clients describe her as “quick, efficient and friendly” bringing clarity to the stresses behind their mess.
Kiah also incorporates the wisdom of Feng Shui into her work, with the purpose of harmonising individuals and their environment.
