Breanna Jayne Sada
By Breanna Jayne Sada – Psychologist
Parents are often surprised to learn that temperament is not just something we should consider when our children are babies. Temperament continues across childhood and adolescence. It shapes how your child will experience school, friendships, family life and even discipline.
In my work with families, I often see conflict and distress arise when parents unknowingly try to change their child’s temperament. A sensitive child is encouraged to be tougher. A slow-to-warm-up child is pushed to be more outgoing. An intense teenager is told they are overreacting. Over time, this can leave everyone feeling frustrated. Parents feel as though nothing is working. Children feel misunderstood.
What tends to create more success and more harmony is a shift in focus. When parents move from trying to change their child’s temperament to understanding and accepting it, they are better able to adjust the environment, the expectations or their own response. This concept is often referred to as goodness of fit. When there is a good fit between a child’s temperament and their environment, children are far more likely to thrive.
Temperament refers to the inborn traits that influence how a child reacts to the world. It affects how quickly they respond, how intensely they feel emotions, how easily they adapt to change and how sensitive they are to their environment. It is not something a child chooses and it is not caused by parenting. It is part of their natural wiring.
Psychiatrists Alexander Thomas and Stella Chess identified nine dimensions of temperament that are still widely discussed today. Understanding them can help you support your child more effectively.
The first is activity level. Some children are constantly moving. Others are calm and still. A highly active child may need movement breaks to focus at school. A less active child may prefer quiet play and feel drained by constant busyness.
The second is regularity. This refers to how predictable a child is with sleep, hunger and routines. Some children thrive on structure and feel unsettled when plans change. Others cope well with flexibility.
The third is approach or withdrawal. Some children eagerly approach new situations. Others hang back and observe. A child who withdraws is not being rude or oppositional. They may simply need time to warm up.
The fourth is adaptability. This is how easily a child adjusts once a change has occurred. Some children adapt quickly. Others need preparation, reassurance and repetition before they feel comfortable.
The fifth is the intensity of reaction. Some children experience emotions in a big and expressive way. Others respond more quietly. A child with strong reactions is not being dramatic. They genuinely feel things deeply.
The sixth is mood. Some children generally have a positive outlook. Others may be more serious or cautious. This too is temperament.
The seventh is persistence. Some children keep going even when a task is difficult. Others become discouraged more quickly and need support to continue.
The eighth is distractibility. Some children can tune out background noise and stay focused. Others are highly aware of everything happening around them, which can make busy classrooms challenging.
The ninth is sensory sensitivity. Highly sensitive children may be deeply affected by loud noises, bright lights, scratchy clothing or even the emotional tone in a room.
When we look at these dimensions through the lens of acceptance rather than correction, practical adjustments become clearer. A sensitive child who feels overwhelmed after school may not need to toughen up. They may need quiet time before homework. A child who is slow to warm up may benefit from arriving early to a party so they can adjust gradually rather than walking into a crowded room. A teen with high intensity may need support in learning emotional regulation skills, not criticism for feeling deeply.
Teachers can also create a better goodness of fit. Providing predictable routines helps children with low adaptability feel safe. Offering written instructions alongside verbal ones can reduce anxiety. Seating a distractible child away from high-traffic areas can improve focus. Allowing a hesitant student to observe before participating can build confidence over time.
For children low in persistence, breaking tasks into smaller steps and praising effort rather than outcome can build resilience. For highly active students, incorporating movement into learning can improve engagement rather than viewing movement as misbehaviour.
Teenage temperament deserves just as much attention as toddler temperament. A highly sensitive teenager may need boundaries delivered privately and respectfully. A teen who is slow to adapt may need extra time to process decisions. A highly active teen may benefit from physical outlets to manage stress.
Understanding child and teenage temperament shifts the conversation from control to curiosity. Instead of asking why my child is like this, we can ask what does my child need in order to thrive.
When children feel understood rather than corrected for their natural traits, their nervous system settles. From that place of safety and acceptance, growth becomes far more likely.
