Kiddipedia
Today I saw a post on Facebook in one of the mum’s group pages I follow and someone had posted asking for advice/reassurance she is halfway through her pregnancy with her second baby the question was if you ever wondered how you would love another baby as much as your first. There were quite a few responses of women that had felt the same when they were in the same position. It got me thinking back to when I found out I was pregnant with my babies. I had always wanted two a boy and a girl. I think most people want at least one of each, it’s meant to be the picture perfect family, isn’t it? A mum and dad with two kids a boy and a girl. When I had my first I was so happy to be having a girl I was worried I wouldn’t get a girl to be honest because my partners family is male dominant, so worried that when they passed her to me that’s the first thing I checked, I even made the midwives laugh. They said to me most people check the baby has ten fingers and toes.
But I was so in love with this tiny little baby girl we had created, I didn’t know I could love something so much. Then our second baby came along a nice little surprise, and I honestly wasn’t worried about if I could love them both the same I just knew I would love this new baby as much as my first. Finding out she was a girl too I felt a little sad that we weren’t having a boy but at the same time, I was so excited for my oldest, because I can remember growing up with my brother I always wished I had a sister. I think the excitement of having two girls, two sisters put my mind at ease. And I wouldn’t change it for anything they are so close and love each other so much. I just love to watch them play together. Don’t get me wrong they have their moments where they fight and are total a**h***s to each other but they have a special bond. I love that I had them close together too totally not planned at all. Our second was a surprise baby. So there are 17 months between them but it is such a great age gap. It was definitely a struggle in the early days but once I found my grove things got easier and as they got older it definitely got easier.
For me, with my second I definitely felt different after I had her. I didn’t have the same bond I did with my first. And I think for me that had a lot to do with the fact our breastfeeding journey didn’t work out the way I had hoped and planned it would. In my head, I was so set on breastfeeding her as I did with my first that when it didn’t work out I was devastated and I just didn’t feel that connection with her. I was worried I wouldn’t ever have that with her. As she got older I definitely feel like I’ve gotten closer with her and developed a bond as I have with my oldest. It’s not something you’re ever prepared for I don’t think. And not often spoken about which can make it hard, because everything you read says you’re meant to instantly bond with your baby when you give birth.
The third baby I wasn’t that worried in the beginning at all, I hadn’t given it much thought. It was just another baby to add to the family in my mind. I was determined he was going to be a boy though, I was set on having a boy this time around. Then at my 21-week scan when they had told me he was a boy I was so bloody excited I couldn’t believe it! Finally our boy, I even asked the tech for a photo of his boyhood as proof and to show my partner as he was convinced we were going to have another girl. From memory when I asked him if he was going to come to the scan he said he wasn’t because he was there for the other two and we were probably going to have another girl anyway so he wasn’t going to come. Well, the news definitely brightened his day that’s for sure.
After the news sunk in and I had digested all the other news of the scan results and what were strong possibilities for our baby boy. It started to hit me, I was no longer going to be just a girl mum. I was going to be a boy mum too. I was going to have a son. That’s when I started to worry how I would feel towards my son, would I love him the same way I love my daughters, would I have the same bond with him as I do with them. Would it be different from the girls?
I was definitely anxious in the last few weeks of my pregnancy. About how I would feel towards my baby, and what our bond would be like. But when he arrived all that worry and anxiety and stress disappeared. It was love, at first sight, I was smitten with him, and he was just perfect. I never imagined myself loving him so much. Even now as we approach his 1st birthday I am still so in love with him I couldn’t imagine life without him and I wonder what I was so worried about. Every time I see his cute little chubby face I can’t help but kiss his chubby cheeks.
I love all my kids the same but I love them all differently too. The bond I have with my girls is different to the bond I share with my little boy. But that’s not a bad thing. I guess the main point of this was to just let other mums know that if you’re worried about how you will love your second third fourth baby as much as your first, or if you will have the same bond you did as your first. Don’t worry and stress about it, your heart just grows each time so does your love even if you don’t think it’s possible. It may not happen straight away, it may take time and that’s ok. We all go through it, its apart of being a parent.
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