It’s such an emotive topic in my mind. 19 weeks ago today I gave birth to my third son. I gained 12kgs when pregnant- my smallest amount for a pregnancy- and lost 10kgs within a fortnight. Job well done you might think? But the truth is, 19 weeks later, I am weighing more than I did 2 weeks postpartum and I’m so disappointed.
The big question is why am I being so hard on myself- why are we always so hard on ourselves when it comes to weight- baby weight in particular?
The fact that I have grown 3 perfect human beings inside my own body still astounds me. That I managed to work whilst I did this, that I ran a house, looked after little ones, that I sometimes even managed to shave my legs- it’s nothing short of miraculous. And it took me approximately 9 months to do it each time, so I should really cut myself some slack and remember I’m only 4 months into my postpartum journey.
Summer is looming- one that will involve bikinis, and that always makes me nervous! It’s hanging over me like a dark cloud and rather than encouraging me to get back into a healthy relationship with food, its making me reach for the chocolate brownies!! On an almost daily basis. THIS.IS.NOT.GOOD
When Archie Bums was 3 weeks old he was diagnosed with CMPI (cow’s milk protein intolerance) and as I was breastfeeding, I had to cut all dairy and soy from my diet. Having already been gluten free for 14 years I panicked wondering what on earth was left. Food brings me joy- it is my happy place- so when I discovered vegan brownies in my local health food store, I was smitten!!! And so I ate one, almost every day, for 16 weeks…..can you see where this is going ???? I also discovered dairy free salted caramel ice cream, which FYI tastes delicious on top of a warmed vegan brownie!!! And so my weight gain journey began.
I struggle with my breast milk supply, but that’s a whole other story for a different day. As a result, I take a drug called domperidone which helps to increase my prolatin levels and gives my milk supply a boost. The only problem with it is that it also empties your tummy much faster which leaves you with an insatiable hunger. Another brownie you say?? Why I don’t mind if I do!! It’s a spiral. And it has left me here today, standing on the scales quietly weeping and wishing I was eating a brownie- to make myself feel better you understand. I do so love a bit of emotional eating. Who is with me???
But todays number on the scale is going to be a turning point for me. It has been decided. Not because I’m ashamed of that number but because it was a timely reminder that I am important too- not just my children and my hubby.
As mummies, we spend so much of our time looking after other people, and possibly not looking after ourselves as well as we should. Nourishing my body with healthy delicious food IS important- it will help me to stay strong and have the energy to look after my busy brood. Vegan brownies are A OK in moderation, and the large decaf almond lattes I drink every day are probably more of a habit than a necessity. What I need is lots of walks in the fresh air, a return to exercise that makes me happy whilst I’m doing it, and a good health dose of self love. I know the weight will come off eventually- it always does.
I have 14 weeks until my big holiday and I am going to use that time wisely, but not a single calorie shall be counted, nor will delicious treats be contraband. Beautiful mummies, your tummies may be fluffy and squishy ( this is what my darling 3yo tells me when he sees me in the shower), but this just means that you are far more comfortable for hugs, or for little people to nap on- and this is important because they won’t want to nap on you forever. Do yourselves a favour- be like me and buy the bigger pants.
Squeezing yourself into clothes that don’t fit only make you miserable. Buy something new and fabulous – that’s exactly what I did yesterday- a quick trip to H&M and all was well in the world again. Amen to that.
And on that happy note I am off to whip up a delicious breakfast for me and my tribe. I may or may not eat a brownie before the day is out too.
Repeat after me…I shall not compare myself to other mummy’s !! I am me, I am proud to be me, I love me and I am enough, whether I fit into my pre pregnancy jeans or not.
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