Kiddipedia
Welcoming a new baby is one of the most exciting moments for a family, but it is also a significant emotional transition for your firstborn child. While parents are preparing for the arrival of their new baby, it is important to remember that their older child is also experiencing a major life change.
This guide explores how parents can support their firstborn through pregnancy, birth, and the early stages of sibling adjustment, helping them feel secure, included, and loved as their family grows.
In This Article
- Preparing Your Child Before Baby Arrives
- Planning for the Birth and Time Away From Your Child
- Creating a Positive First Meeting Between Siblings
- Understanding Behaviour Changes After Baby Arrives
- Allowing Sibling Relationships to Grow Over Time
- Frequently Asked Questions About Welcoming a New Baby
Preparing Your Child for a New Baby
Having a new baby is usually a very exciting time for parents as it involves new beginnings and a new chapter in our lives. What we may forget as parents is that it is an even more crucial chapter in the life of our firstborn.
Most children, when welcoming their brother/sister, have already formed an attachment with one or both parents, and their whole world may revolve around their parent. They rely on their parent to provide them with basic necessities of food, safety and shelter, but more importantly, love and attention.
“The concept of sharing this love and attention with a new baby, is often foreign and can cause a great deal of anxiety and frustration for children.”
The concept of sharing this love and attention with a new baby is often foreign and can cause a great deal of anxiety and frustration for children, which they may manifest in different behaviours based on their age.
How do we make this transition easier for them? This is a question I myself grappled with prior to having our second child and remember only too well the guilt of taking that attention away from my eldest as well as the hope that he would “accept” his new brother and not feel left out.
I have also spoken to many parents about this transition and suggest the following steps in making that transition easier for parents and their firstborn.
A Journey of Adjustment: Supporting Your Firstborn Before Baby Arrives
PREPARATION
One of the most important aspects of introducing the baby is to do it early, roughly 3 to 4 months beforehand (or prior depending on the age of the child).
Taking your child to an Ultrasound, is a great way to show them what the baby looks like and explain to them that they too were a teeny tiny baby like their brother/sister a long time ago.
If you have photos of your eldest when they were a newborn, it can be helpful to share these with them too as it reminds them that they too had small beginnings.
Helping Your Child Feel Included
When the baby moves/kicks, it is a good idea to get your child to feel these movements and explain that their sibling is probably just as excited to meet them.
Children also love stories and repetition, and this is a fantastic way to describe how it may be to have a baby in the house.
Some of my favourite books I read to my son included: “I’m a big brother now”, ‘There’s a HOUSE inside my Mummy” and “Za-Za’s Baby Brother” .
I would often cry when reading “There’s a HOUSE inside my Mummy” as it signified how incredible pregnancy was in growing a human being but also how it opened the corridor to a new life with an extra member in the family.
Reminder
Preparing your child is not only about explaining that a baby is coming. It is also about helping them understand that their place in the family remains secure.
A new baby changes family routines, but it does not change the love parents have for their firstborn.
Before Baby Arrives: Simple Ways to Prepare Your Child
✔ Involve them in the pregnancy journey
✔ Show them ultrasound images
✔ Share their own baby photos
✔ Encourage them to feel movements
✔ Read books about becoming a sibling
“Your firstborn isn’t just gaining a sibling — they are learning how their place in the family is growing too.”
Planning for the Birth: Supporting Your Firstborn Through This Major Transition
PLAN FOR THE BIRTH
The arrival of a new baby is a huge emotional transition for everyone in the family. While parents are focused on welcoming their newborn, it is equally important to consider what this moment feels like from the perspective of the firstborn child.
One of the biggest changes they experience is separation from their primary attachment figures at a time when their world is already shifting.
It is a good idea to have a plan in place for the actual birth – whether that be a grandparent or friend who is looking after the elder child.
This is a particularly challenging time for most children and it is a great idea to leave a photo of parents with the child, familiar toys/books and to keep in regular contact with your child during the birth itself.
A familiar face, familiar objects and ongoing connection can help children feel secure during a time of change.
Explaining to your child that you may need to go away for a few days into hospital when their sibling is born, is helpful for them to know, even if they may not understand exactly what this may mean.
Children process big changes differently depending on their age and developmental stage. Preparing them with simple explanations can help reduce uncertainty and create a sense of safety.
Maintaining Routine and Familiarity
If your child is in preschool, it can be a good idea to let their teachers know and try to send them to preschool during the days after the birth (if you are in hospital and unable to care for them) as this can help keep a sense of consistency for your eldest child.
Children love routine, and even if parent figures are away, having that routine can be helpful to make them feel grounded and having familiar friends at kinder/teacher is a great distraction as well, in an environment that they know.
Tip
Before Birth Day Arrives:
✔ Decide who will care for your older child
✔ Prepare familiar comfort items
✔ Leave photos or reminders of parents
✔ Explain that you may be away in the hospital
✔ Keep communication open during the birth
✔ Let preschool or childcare educators know what is happening
Meeting Baby for the First Time: Creating a Positive Introduction
MEETING BABY FOR THE FIRST TIME
The first meeting between siblings is often filled with excitement, anticipation and emotion. However, it is also a moment where many parents experience unexpected feelings.
When my second son was born, I was elated, and it filled me with joy to have a second child. Yet, at the same time, I remember feeling super guilty as it suddenly struck me that I would no longer be able to dedicate all of my time to my eldest, and I worried about how he would accept the new baby, despite my efforts and preparation beforehand.
This is a very normal reaction for a parent to have, and most of my friends and patients have experienced this.
I can reassure you that this time too shall pass and you will find a way to help your children to connect.
Many parents experience mixed emotions after welcoming a second child. Joy for the new baby can exist alongside concern about how their firstborn will adjust.
Creating a Positive First Encounter
When your child visits the baby for the first time, it is a good idea to have the baby in a bassinett and to gift your child with a present from the baby.
It does not have to be expensive and can be something simple like a colouring book, but it signifies to them that their baby brother/sister has acknowledged their presence in the world.
This small gesture can help communicate an important message:
“You are still important. You are still seen. You still belong.”
(Additional emotional emphasis only — original wording remains unchanged.)
Understanding Behaviour Changes After Baby Arrives
It will take a period of time for your child to adjust to the baby and this is completely normal.
Expect a period of adjustment and possible behavioural regression during this time.
Some children will have more tantrums and others who were previously toilet trained may start having more accidents and some may become more clingy to you.
What Behaviour Changes May Look Like
During this adjustment period, parents may notice:
- Increased emotional outbursts
- More tantrums
- Toilet training regression
- Increased clinginess
- A greater need for reassurance
Remember that this behaviour is entirely normal as they learn to share your attention and love with their sibling and figure out where their sibling fits into their life.
Protecting Your Relationship With Your Firstborn
Lastly, make sure you take time out to spend with your eldest child, alone so that you can keep building that relationship and helping them to feel secure.
Reminder
Your firstborn child is not only adjusting to a new baby.
They are adjusting to:
- A new family dynamic
- A different routine
- Sharing their parents’ attention
- Understanding their new role as an older sibling
Extra connection during this time can help them feel safe and valued.
The First Meeting: Small Moments Matter
A new sibling relationship does not have to begin with instant connection.
The goal is not perfection.
The goal is helping your child feel included, loved and secure.
“Remember that this behavior is entirely normal as they learn to share your attention and love with their sibling and figure out where their sibling fits into their life.”
Time: Understanding That Sibling Bonds Grow Slowly
TIME
One of the most important things parents can remember when welcoming a new baby is that sibling relationships are not created overnight.
While some children may appear instantly connected to their new brother or sister, others may need much more time to adjust, understand their new role, and develop their own unique relationship.
Siblings form bonds over time and relationships form over time.
Give them time to do that.
It may take a few weeks, months or even a few years.
Sibling relationships are built through everyday moments, shared experiences, patience and time.
Patience, consistency and understanding are really important.
Sibling rivalry is very common and I certainly see this in my own children at times and hear from parents every day how their children can be at loggerheads with each other.
Understanding the Ups and Downs of Sibling Relationships
There are however, moments of bliss where you look at your children playing or you see them exchange a hug and your heart melts.
These moments are often the ones parents treasure most — the small glimpses of connection that show a relationship beginning to grow.
Preparing a child for a sibling is definitely a journey so be prepared that it can be challenging, stressful, rewarding and joyful in so many different ways.
Supporting Yourself Through the Transition
Remember also, that you are one person and you are cannot be all things for all people (including your children) all the time.
Outsourcing and getting help from friends or family so you can spend quality time with your children is important for your sanity.
“It does take a village to raise children so please lean on your village and know that you do not have to travel this journey alone.”
It does take a village to raise children so please lean on your village and know that you do not have to travel this journey alone.
Giving Yourself Permission to Adjust Too
It is still a very precious time, in welcoming a new child and I hope you enjoy this time and treasure each and every moment.
Final Thoughts
Welcoming a new baby changes the family dynamic in many beautiful and challenging ways.
While parents often focus on preparing the home, buying essentials and caring for the newborn, preparing the heart of the firstborn child is just as important.
Your older child does not need a perfect transition.
They need reassurance, connection, patience and the confidence that their place within the family remains secure.
Key Takeaways: Helping Your Child Welcome a New Sibling
Before Baby Arrives
✔ Begin preparing your child early
✔ Involve them in the pregnancy journey
✔ Help them understand they were once a baby too
✔ Use books and stories to introduce the idea of having a sibling
Around the Birth
✔ Create a plan for your child’s care
✔ Maintain familiar routines where possible
✔ Keep communication open if you are away in hospital
✔ Help your child feel included in this major family moment
After Baby Arrives
✔ Expect a period of adjustment
✔ Understand that behavioural changes can be normal
✔ Continue spending one-on-one time with your eldest child
✔ Give siblings time to develop their own relationship
For Parents
✔ Ask for support when you need it
✔ Accept that this transition may bring mixed emotions
✔ Remember that connection is built through small everyday moments
✔ Give yourself grace while your family adjusts
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does it take for a child to adjust to a new sibling?
Every child is different. Some children adjust quickly, while others may need weeks, months or even years to fully settle into their new sibling relationship. Patience, consistency and reassurance can help children feel secure during this transition.
Is it normal for children to show challenging behaviour after a new baby arrives?
Yes. Some children may experience behavioural regression, increased tantrums, clinginess or changes in routines such as toilet training. These behaviours can be a way for children to communicate their feelings while adjusting to a major life change.
How can I help my firstborn feel loved after having another baby?
Creating regular one-on-one time, maintaining connection and reassuring your child that they are still valued and important can help strengthen their sense of security.
Should I expect my children to bond immediately?
Not necessarily. Sibling relationships develop over time. Some children connect quickly, while others need time to adjust and find their place within the new family dynamic.
What is the most important thing parents can do when introducing a new baby?
Helping your child feel secure, included and loved is key. Preparing them before birth, supporting them through the transition and continuing to nurture your relationship with them can make a significant difference.
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Dr Sarah Arachchi is a Paediatrician who works in Melbourne and has two young boys.
She is passionate about kids and you can find her on Instagram @dr_sarah_medical_mum where she shares tips for new parents on kids health, development and parenting.
