Kiddipedia
If you’re trying to navigate the responsibilities of caring for your children and your ageing parents at the same time, you may find yourself having trouble managing this demanding stage of life.
Raising children and caring for an elder takes a considerable amount of energy by itself and can be incredibly overwhelming if you’re balancing a career on the side. The important thing to remember is that you’re not alone. A large number of adults today belong to what is called the “sandwich generation” – people who are caring for their children and ageing parents at the same time.
If you are a part of this crowd, we have compiled some advice to help you stay on top of your caregiver responsibilities and take care of your own health at the same time.
1) Seek Professional Support
While your friends and family members can be a great support network, they will not always be available. So in times of need, don’t be afraid to seek professional help.
This can be anything from discussing retirement communities in Adelaide with your parents, hiring a tutor for your children, hiring a meal delivery service, or relying on respite care so you can take time to recharge and take care of yourself.
You should also consider hiring housekeeping services if you cannot manage house chores by yourself. When your home environment is clean and organised, you will be in a better headspace and can care for your parents and children better.
In addition, if your parent’s health care needs are more substantial, you should also consider home health services to help you out.
Finally, if the workload is becoming too much to handle, explore support groups in your local community to manage your own physical, emotional, and mental health.
Remember, help is always out there, and there’s no shame in seeking professional support to help you better manage your responsibilities and give yourself a well-deserved break.
2) Assess Your Family’s Needs
Your children and ageing parents will have very different needs. At times, their needs might clash, and you may have to choose who you can attend to and when.
Your older parents, for example, may have pressing medical concerns and require assistance with transportation and everyday needs. On the other hand, your children will require you to be present like a positive parent, both in their daily life and their meaningful milestones, including award ceremonies, tournaments, school meetings, and so on.
In this case, try and think objectively about whose needs are most urgent at the present moment. Can your partner or another family member pick your kids up from school while you attend an important medical appointment with your parents? Think about which job is the most pressing and which choice you will be the most comfortable having made later.
You must also accept that sometimes, you will have to say “no” without feeling guilt or remorse.
3) Balance Your Family & Career
If you’re working alongside caregiving, it’s essential to strike a balance between your career and time at home.
If you are in a position to do so, consider speaking with your employer to alter your schedule, work part-time for a while, or work more flexible hours. If you have no other alternative, consider using your sick days and paid time off when you’re urgently needed at home.
Many employers also offer services in their benefits package that can help parents find backup daycare or other support resources. Reach out to your human resources department and find out if your company is involved with any such programs.
In such busy times, you’ll need all the help you can get, and there’s no harm in asking.
4) Include Your Children
Support from within your family doesn’t only have to come from adults — you can also include your children in your family plan. This doesn’t mean unloading responsibility on them that they cannot handle. You can involve your children in simple tasks such as helping their grandfather take a walk around the porch, bringing their grandma her morning glass of milk, and so on.
You should also share with your kids the changes happening with your family and ageing parents. Children understand much more than we give them credit for — as long as you keep the information and responsibilities age-appropriate, involving them in the family dynamic will make them feel needed and respected.
Here are some ways you can involve your children:
- Establish a connection between your child and parent by letting them spend time together.
- Remember to thank your children for making sacrifices or helping out with their grandparents’ care.
- Take time out to do something special with each child, one-on-one.
- Explain why you’re caring for your elderly parents, what they need, and what their condition is in an age-appropriate way.
5) Don’t Internalise Guilt
When taking care of multiple people at the same time, there will be moments when you feel like you’re not doing enough. Prioritising one person’s needs over another’s may have you feeling guilty, and unfortunately, there is no easy way around these conflicts.
But what you can do is make sure to take time for yourself on top of caring for everyone else. Consider joining support groups, taking days off, and having fun nights with friends and family. Taking care of others shouldn’t mean giving up your life entirely.
Plus, if you’re comfortable with doing so and can afford it, consider speaking with a professional. A therapist or family counsellor can help you work through negative emotions and objectively look at your feelings. In times of difficulty, this can be a safe place where you can let your guard down and learn important coping skills that can benefit everyone.
