Kiddipedia
Susan Moore & Doreen Rosenthal
Every child is different, a unique combination of genetic tendencies and the influence of environment, including the way you parent. Is birth order one of the factors that makes a difference to your child’s personality? The balance of research suggests that yes, it is important, but it’s one of those influences that must be considered alongside other factors, like the child’s sex and temperament at birth. There are personality patterns for first-born and later-born children, but not every child fits those patterns.
So what are the trends? Being a first-born is linked to higher academic achievement, a sense of responsibility, and being task-oriented, conscientious and assertive. As a result of their hard work, diligence, and unique start in life as ‘only’ children, first-borns as adults are over-represented among leaders in many fields, from politics to science. One amazing example is that every US-born Nobel prize-winner to date has been a first-born.
Second-borns are often more relaxed, less driven and more creative than first-borns, possibly because they experience more relaxed, less demanding parenting. They may be more sociable, having had to learn to share parental attention from birth. Some seek to succeed in an area in life where they don’t need to compete with their older sibling who, in the early years of life, will always be one step ahead. Some second-borns are rebellious and less ‘easy’ as children, and these tendencies may continue into adulthood.
Why do birth order effects occur?
First-born children have different experiences from their later-born siblings. Their parents may more stressed, more perfectionist but also more attentive to their child than with subsequent children. First-born children are not in competition for parental attention; they are fussed over and worried about during their early and critical developmental years. That attention can be accompanied by high expectations by inexperienced parents, who can be ‘trying too hard’ to be perfect parents to a perfect child. For example, parents of first-borns might say things like: “no child of mine will ever be given a pacifier/dummy”, or “I would never give my child commercially prepared baby food” but these ideals tend to fall by the wayside when more children come along and time pressures are greater.
The eldest child benefits from the period of undivided attention by parents, and this can be reflected by first-borns appearing more intelligent, achievement-oriented, confident and mature. The halcyon days when the first child is the centre of attention, the apple of mummy and daddy’s eye, come to an end when a new baby arrives and the prince or princess is ‘dethroned’. The older child must learn to share attention, to sometimes give way to the greater needs of his or her younger, more dependent sibling – a hard lesson for a young child and one that can lead to the older child temporarily regressing (becoming more babyish) as a way of coping with stress and anxiety. Indeed, first-borns may be more vulnerable to anxiety, more dependent on adult approval and more eager to conform and please others, a tendency that can carry over to behaviour in school and later in the workplace. Thus, while first-borns may work harder at school and in their adult working life, they may also find it more difficult to switch off and enjoy themselves.
In any family, first-borns are the trailblazers for many of life’s milestones and experiences. Just because they are older they will usually learn to talk, walk, read, and generally become socialised beings before their younger siblings. Second-borns can be left with the feeling that no matter how hard they try, they will never catch up. But first-borns may also be subjected to many rules and regulations as parents start with rigid expectations of themselves as parents and of correct behaviour. Second- and later-born children can benefit from having calmer and more confident parents. For example, one young woman told us:
My older sister paved the way. Our parents were much stricter with her when she got to be a teenager. By the time I got to that age they relaxed a bit – probably because nothing particularly disastrous happened to my sister!
Second-born children may be driven to prove themselves against the accomplishments of their older brother or sister. They can come to believe that they are not as good as their older sibling, not realizing that their lower level of achievement may be simply because of the age difference. As a way of gaining attention, some second-borns try to succeed in areas not excelled in by their older siblings, for example at artistic rather than academic pursuits. Some give up trying to meet perceived parental expectations, and become more relaxed and fun seeking, or even rebellious and defiant.
These patterns of behaviour do not occur for every first- or second-born child. The benefits and stresses of different birth orders will manifest themselves differently depending on the child’s temperament, parental confidence and warmth, family atmosphere and many other factors. But it is certainly interesting to see how often birth order personality and behavioural differences have been noticed and the extent to which they persist in adulthood.
This article is an adapted from:
Moore, S. & Rosenthal, D. (2019). Second child: Everything you need to help you decide, plan for and enjoy a second child. NSW: Big Sky Publishing.
Want to know more? https://www.bigskypublishing.com.au/books/second-child/
Note: Emeritus Professor Susan Moore and Emeritus Professor Doreen Rosenthal are widely published developmental social psychologists whose major research interests encompass key transitions across life stages, including parenting, adolescence, grandparenting and retirement. They have co-authored eleven books together, as well as dozens of refereed journal articles and book chapters.
