Do you actually know why your child is fussy?

6 incisive fundamentals to healthy Fuss-Free-Feeding. + BONUS why they like the foods they do (so you know what to offer them to expand their range)

Do the articles available on Fussy Eating generally, seem a little stale and repetitive to you? It can’t just be me that’s noticed this. They offer lots of “tips” that may or may not work for different children. But no one is really speaking to the reasons so very many kids are fussy nowadays, or the reasons they like the foods they do (and therefore which foods will be easier to sway kids on).

Most kids start out being fussy for good reason. If there’s nothing physically or medically wrong, e.g. silent acid reflux, constipation, tongue-tie; then they still may have difficulty eating or swallowing some foods, or a different sensory experience of their meals that makes some aspects of food (that you don’t notice) very off-putting. Like the kid in school that could drag their nails down the chalkboard while everybody else cringed.

But as time goes on and when these other factors fade, they can dig their heels in or it can become a power-play, or it might be that expecting food a certain way has become such a part of their routine that the slightest change is scary for them – especially at different stages of development or depending on what else is going on in their world. And that’s when we start getting tantrums.

These first six tips are the fundamentals to raising healthy, adventurous and flexible eaters.

Employ No Pressure Feeding.

Pressure sounds like, “Two more bites”, “I’ll let you have an hour on the iPad if you finish your [whatever]”, “You don’t get dessert until you finish your plate”, or even “Think of the starving children in Africa!”\Why? If they have difficulty with different flavours, or chewing or swallowing different textures, or even memories, then they become defensive about them and distrustful of you. It makes them knuckle down on their Safe Foods.

If they don’t want to eat at all, then you can just offer them a bigger meal next time around.

The easiest way to avoid pressure feeding is to #LetThemFeedThemselves from as young as possible.

Offer a Distraction free environment

Toys on the table take focus from the food, and clutter or noise in the environment can throw a sensory child off completely: This is why restaurants invest in their ambience. The goal here is not a Michelin star, but to give bub every chance to focus on their food while they’re still learning what’s expected of them: that they will attend and bond with the family, and that if they are hungry, they will eat what the family does.

Serve food as a family

And preferably from communal dishes. This means the whole family participates, and everybody eats at least some of the same things as bub is expected to; otherwise why wouldn’t they learn to expect that they’ll always be able to get something different and special? We want to steer away from short-order cooking, and this is where it starts. Always offer at least one of their Safe Foods and do not restrict these (another pressure tactic). Try to offer a different one each time, and if that’s all they want, then that’s all there is! It’s also very important that they understand that mealtime is family time. They don’t get to leave the table just because they’ve finished, at any age.

Set a good example!

Your bub isn’t “fussy” just because they don’t eat their vegetables if you or your spouse don’t: they might just be following the leader. The more enthusiasm you and the other powers-that-be can (consistently) show for your greens and veggies, the more likely they are to give them a go – especially if just by guarding your plate a little, or if you can convince every older family member to dive for the broccoli first as if they can’t wait to get at it, you can make it seem like they’re really missing out on something special. (But be consistent about it!)

The other thing is not to expect them not to play at the table if you are. Your phone is just an adult toy in their eyes.

Make it as Fun as possible.

Did you know that there are four “styles” of eating? Fuel (eat for sustenance, and only what you need), Fun (eating for pleasure, bonding or flavour), Fog (mindless eating), and Storm (out of control, emotional eating). Kids are born as Fuel eaters, and generally we want them to grow up with the same values because this creates a more balanced mind and body, and has the greatest health outcomes. But because eating is a whole new, important skill, we start with as much Fun feeding as possible. At its simplest, this starts with beaming at them as you share in their experience, but it can also mean playful utensils, presentation or food games. Crucially, as long as there’s no physical reason that they can’t, we need to #LetThemFeedThemselves. (Have you ever enjoyed any activity that someone else did for you?)

No more grazing

We all need 2.5 – 3 hours between meals to really get hungry: this opens so many more possibilities at table. Milk or juice still counts as food! So these should only be offered with meals, with water inbetween. A child that nags for snacks – especially hyper-palatable manufactured food – may just need a pacifier.

If you have a grazing habit to break, another transitional tactic is to start by only offering a platter of three “Target Foods” inbetween, i.e. realistic foods that you wish they would eat. This could be cheese and fruit if they’re a little on the skinny side, or pumpkin or spinach bread if they’re stuck on white or beige foods. If they don’t eat them, then they’re not really hungry and they can wait!

As with any change, Push-back is to be expected. Bear this in mind, remember that you’re the leader, and hold your ground.

Properly applied, just these tips fix a lot of fussy eating behaviours because they establish an emotionally healthy feeding environment. This is your foundation. As fretful, frazzled parents, we too easily forget that kids aren’t emotional eaters and nor is this healthy. Most kids eat when they’re hungry, not just because it tastes good, and they only eat as much as they need. And this attitude is the healthiest possible place to start in a world that we’re pushed to eat from all sides for the rest of our lives.

But I know you’re reading for the juicy stuff.

Here’s what the latest science is telling us about how toddlers develop their food preferences, and the things that matter to them.

1. They’re Predictable

Your bub always knows what to expect from their Safe Foods. They’re almost always exactly the same each time, aren’t they? If they’re processed foods then they’re factory-designed to be. Besides the power play, this is another reason that it can be a big deal if their toast isn’t cut the right way, just like you might love your bed made a certain way (and it kinda skews the day if you don’t get around to it), or love your favourite café table enough to book in advance or go somewhere else if it’s not free. It’s part of their routine, and it just takes the cognitive load off their day and all the things they’re learning about if they know that the food thing is covered.

2. They’re Grabbable

This means different things for different foods. Are they solid, served as finger food, in a pouch, or easy to eat with kiddie utensils? Foods they can handle themselves give them a sense of autonomy – that’s very important for their development – and their sense of age-appropriate power – which is very important for their sense of self (so they’re less motivated to play power-games with you).
Note that sensory kids won’t want to touch (or sometimes even see) sticky, slimy, mushy, squishy or greasy foods at all and so therefore they won’t eat them. (Ringing any bells? Drawing any patterns?)

3. Lastly, they’re Palatable

Palatability means both mouthfeel and flavour. I say this “lastly”, because it’s the last thing they’ll notice, isn’t it?
These are equally important, and are the reason you might crave something crunchy or creamy, over something specific. Mouthfeel determines your favourite brand of chocolate, bread or icecream: and the food giants invest literally millions in refining this. Especially fussy kids, or those who started with a physiological difficulty eating, they may also prefer especially palatable processed foods because these have been literally engineered and lab-tested to be as edible (i.e. easily masticated) as possible. But- if you can shortcut the Predictability and Grabbability factors, and you know what they need of their food texture, then palatability alone is less of a hurdle.

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So can you draw any patterns with their favourite foods, or from the way they eat them? How are they really experiencing food, and could some of the challenges I’ve mentioned be an issue for them?

You may need to pause on that thought for a week or so, while you study what they eat.

But once you’ve figured that out, the best way to shortcut Predictability and Grabbability is below.

Introducing… Drumroll… Cubing food!

This little underground trick we discovered has been getting fussy eaters to eat new foods the first time they’re offered for years. It’s how the science of HackingFussyFeeding started being developed. The cubes are usually within a layer of silicone, but we reckon sometimes it works without.

Here’s how it works:

Molding, cutting, baking, setting or freezing food into cubes of the same size, makes them more Predictable.

They also look similar on the plate, so bub has to take a closer look at anything to decide if it’s edible or not.
They’re more easily Grabbable than cutlery (kids don’t develop the wrist pronation to handle even kiddie cutlery until they’re five). They will have to make their own can work out the Palatability: but anything cut or shaped to size

You just have to make sure that everything on the plate is served in the same shape and size. If it’s bread, stack slices and cut to cubes. If it’s fruit, cut the peel and sides off to serve as cubes. If it’s last night’s casserole, pack it firmly into a silicone mold and serve as cubes.

This is the simplest way to make good food fun: by serving it as building blocks. As some of you know, half the battle for some kids is just getting the food on their plate, and if everything on their plate looks kinda like a toy, it’s a lot less confronting for them. Then all you have to worry about is the Palatability.

Try it! Hashtag #MakeGoodFoodFun to show us how you go.

Alix O’Hara is a for-purpose entrepreneur and PhD candidate in #InfantSelfFeeding behaviours whose commercially-integrated research in fussy eating was launched with her invention of #Mashblox, a safe self-feeding tool yielding instant turnarounds for hundreds of customers. She has since presented to international government and political health interests, and UN General Assembly. You can follow her work via #Mashblox (Facebook, Instagram) and #HackingFussyFeeding (TikTok) to #MakeGoodFoodFun.