Kiddipedia
The increasingly popular method of parenting known as ‘gentle parenting’ is based on a more peaceful and positive approach to parenting, rather than the ‘old school’ authoritarian parenting style. Whether you subscribe to the ideologies of the gentle parenting movement, prefer a more traditional parenting style, or sit somewhere in between the two – I believe the gentle parenting movement has a lot to teach us as adults.
Gentle parenting subscribers focus on cultivating a relationship with their child that is based around willingness and choices, rather than demands and rules. Here are a few of the foundations of gentle parenting:
- Following a child’s natural rhythms
- Mutual respect between the child and parent
- Recognising the child’s need for a sense of control in their lives
- Behaviour is not seen as “bad” or “naughty”, rather we try to understand the reason for the behaviour
- Praise is focused on effort rather than outcome
- Recognition and even celebration of a child’s individuality
- Focus on attention and connection
If you can imagine for a moment, the relationship between a gentle parent and their child – full of respect, understanding and compassion.
Now think about the way you treat yourself – how would it feel to extend the same respect, understanding and compassion towards yourself?
As humans, it seems to be in our nature to be hard on ourselves and strive for better. These tendencies are often accelerated when we become parents, bringing out our harshest inner critic and our perfectionistic selves. Striving to do the best for our children, be the best parent we can be, all while maintaining a great relationship and successful career and perfectly tidy home. It’s crazy the amount of pressure we put on ourselves!
The point I’m making is this:
- Could you be gentler with yourself?
- Could you be kinder and more compassionate towards yourself?
- Could you be a little more understanding of yourself and your behaviour?
Could you apply some of the principles of gentle parenting towards yourself, and make your mental self-talk just a little more respectful, a little more understanding, a little more compassionate?
There is no point raising your children gently if you continue to be hard on yourself, and beat yourself up. Children learn more from what you model than from what you do.
So if you’ve ever considered the gentle parenting approach, or if you’re already committed to it, I urge you to take some of those incredible foundations of gentle parenting and apply them to yourself as well.
As a relatively new mum myself, I know that the hardest days I’ve had as a parent were the days that I was hardest on myself – and some of the best days were the days I allowed myself to be perfectly imperfect, and have compassion for myself throughout it all.
How can you be gentler towards yourself, and your child/ren, today?
