Mummy To Twins Plus One
Having your own identity is very important.
Fancy being an identical twin and always being mistaken as your sister or compared to her?
I have identical twins who are striving to be their own person, but still want to be super connected to each other.
My girls are very different although look like each other.
However, to combat this confusion of who is who, one twin got her hair cut super short. Picture the Katy Perry hair cut with half her head shaved and the other half a bit longer. Now this kid with the super short hair is on the way to grow it out and according to her it can’t happen quick enough to allow her to put it up again.
The same kid has also had her ears pierced a second time to allow her to wear more of her favourite earrings. Her sister saw her get the original ones done and thought it looked horrible and has set herself a goal to never ever have her ears pierced!
Even with the changes to the girl’s appearance kids and mums at school still cannot tell them apart. Weird really?
It has been a struggle at times to help each child do their own thing.
- One kid wants to be left alone to read or to play a computer game, but the other wants to be with her sister.
- When they were babies, I always got the same outfits and sometimes with a twist on colour or style, but essentially the same. I dressed them differently, but the girls always managed to want to wear the same outfit at the same time as her sister. Now they are older, they dress differently however seem to have a knack for dressing in the same shorts or tops without even knowing they are doing it.
- There’s been meltdowns about not getting the same shoes, I have tried to give them different items, but it works out that they want the same things.
- I try to get the kids different presents but when I do, they fight over just one of them, which means I should have bought two of the same things.
- If I do buy the same item for the kids, I try and get them in different colours, but their favourite colours are changing, and mummy gets this wrong too. I tend to purchase purple or pink, or blue or purple.
- As a twin mum I struggle when I get presents for the girls, do I buy a huge item for them to share? And embrace the chaos sharing might cause, or do I get something different for each kid? If you see me in a shop, I might be there for hours making a decision.
We are embracing the girls need to be different from each other and helping them know that they can do things on their own. My girls love to do things together, however there are times that one is interested in something that her sister isn’t. It’s hard to get this child to do things on her own, she freaks out due to liking the support and company of her sister.
Identical twins are different people and have different interests, just because they look the same doesn’t’ mean they are.
The twins have been in separate classes since first grade. While they were in kindy I was asked by the principal and the girls’ teachers on our thoughts about keeping the girls together or having them in different classes. I was unsure about it all; if they did get separated my worry was that they would not be happy and in turn not do well at school, although I could see benefits in them being in a class of their own as their wins are their own and not compared. I told the school my concerns and worries and mentioned that I do believe that being in a different class would be a good idea, however, didn’t know how it would go.
On the first day of grade one they announced the classes for the twins, and they were indeed in separate classes. I was worried and actually rather emotional for the eventual fall out. Would they be happy? Would they be upset? Would they wish to be back together? None of these concerns actually occurred and I was so overwhelmed about the idea what might happen. I ended up crying and was very emotional, as I had built up this moment and for the imagined issues to not eventuate was a relief. Both kids ended up smiling and waved me goodbye, who knew that they would be so happy about it and I on the other hand looked terribly upset although I was happy.
It was the best thing for my girls to be in separate classes to enable them to be their own person and for them to learn and grow as an individual rather than being seen as the twins.
As the twins are only a few years away from starting high school, I’ve been having chats to both of them about their different interests and the fact that high school means different subjects and choices. Each kid can do what they are interested in and not what their sister is doing.
I know that they are very similar and therefore this might lead to the same subjects and interests for both kids, however I do hope that they pick something just for them rather than just to be together.
I’ve also told the twins that in life you cannot be together at all times, sometimes you need to do things on your own. They haven’t liked this response from me, but a realistic answer will help in the future when they have to work at a job on their own and do other things without each other.
I for one know it is hard when you are the primary caregiver and it is hard to be on your own with each child. Finding that alone time with three kids is very difficult and especially with a toddler in the house.
Hubby and I try and take the girls for one on one time on the weekends to make sure that they get to do things away from their sister and allow them to have new adventures with mummy/daddy.
If you have twins how have you encouraged each child’s interests and help with their own identity?
You may also like to read:
Fostering individuality in Twins, Triplets and More
7 reasons why people may fall pregnant with twins or triplets
