Kiddipedia
By Midwife Cath, Tommee Tippee’s Expert Brand Ambassador
In the 1960s, being a father was largely categorised by three things – your financial contribution to the household, your ability as a disciplinarian, and making sure you’re macho enough to scare away your daughter’s first boyfriend. But, times have changed. The role of a father is more important than ever, and it’s the most important role you’ll ever have in your life – for both your partner, and your child.
The truth is… new beginnings can be tough
For new mothers, a surge of new hormones promotes a very visceral understanding that they, along with their partner, are soon to welcome a new life to the world. For dads, sometimes emotional preparation can be more difficult, and anxiety can arise. Every expectant dad is different, and for some there is a lot to consider – from financial pressure, pregnancy sex, all the way through to if they will be a good parent, and remain a good partner. When I wrote my first book ‘The First Six Weeks’, it was really to help men be involved in the earlier stages of birthing journeys. The birth itself is often looked at as solely a female-centric experience. While in some instances it is, in most it is not new fathers need just as much guidance and advice.
Once the initial concern and sometimes shock wears off, there is so much to look forward to. From accompanying their partner to every doctor’s appointment, to researching all the right books to read, it doesn’t take long to jump right on board. When you and your partner join forces emotionally and physically in the lead up to your new role as parents, it builds the strongest foundation imaginable for both your relationship, and as a team.
The truth is… it is a labour of love
And, before you know it, it’s time, and you’ve never seen anything like it in your life. For some, watching their partner give birth can be quite distressing, and many men deal with it in different ways. It’s hard to understand how women are able to withstand the pain, the duration and find the strength. Watching this process can make a man feel helpless, as they are not in charge of the process or the outcome; taking a back seat can be tough.
One thing that has, and never will become old to me over my 40 years as a midwife, is seeing the face of a new father when they see their bundle of joy for the first time. Elation, exhaustion, pride and infatuation all wrapped into one look! When the baby is born, men can feel a lot of relief, and often cry more than women – it’s a very emotional experience.
The truth is… it takes two to tango
After birth, mothers are physically and emotionally exhausted. There may have been complications with the birth, accompanied by stitches, bruising, sore nipples, bleeding, even nightmares – and as we know, this exhaustion can sometimes manifest into longer, more serious periods of post-traumatic stress. As a father, ensuring your partner and baby are being taken care of is incredibly important. There is a lot of focus on women after a baby is born, but I always say – the only thing that men can’t do that women can, is breastfeed.
That’s exactly why I created the BBB method, and why it has nothing to do with breasts! BBB stands for bath, bottle, bed. This method ensures that parents are able to care for their newborn in a consistent manner to ensure the baby, and you, can get enough rest. For new dads, this method ensures that men can be equally involved, and immediately start bonding with their new baby. When dads get involved from the beginning, the evolution of their relationship with baby develops at an exponential rate.
If a woman is exclusively breastfeeding, there are so many other ways that new dads can contribute, from cooking food, cleaning the nursery and putting on a load. It really takes two to tango in the first few months, and starting strong really sets you up for parenting success.
The truth is… it’s the role of a lifetime
Anyone can father a child, but being a dad is forever. The role of a new dad has a large impact on a young child, and helps to shape him or her into the person they will ultimately become. Fathers serve as important pillars in the growth of a child’s emotional wellbeing with babies looking to fathers to provide a feeling of physical and emotional security. Involved and dedicated fathers promote incredible development, and when new dads are affectionate and supportive, it not only boosts the child’s social and cognitive development – it instils an overall sense of well-being and confidence for both father and child.
The truth is… a modern take is important
The modern father can come in various forms. No longer the traditional, married breadwinner and “scary” parent. He can be single or married; gay or straight; employed or stay-at-home; adoptive or step-parent. In fact, last year we found that 21% of kids had a single father as their primary caregiver[1]. Sometimes, they won’t even be blood-related to their children, or the children they care for. Regardless of what your family looks like, an important factor is the quality of the dad-baby relationship.
A father figure, whatever that might look like, significantly influences the wellbeing and life of their child. The father serves as the baby’s first child male role model, and male relationships the child will have. The healthier the relationship between father and child, the higher levels of self-esteem, confidence, and rate of social development we see. Unfortunately, if a child has an unhealthy relationship with their father, they may experience elements of psychological distress, and unconscious relational choices as they move into adulthood and independence.
It’s also very important to note – for same sex female couples, and even single mothers – the absense of a father in the early years of childhood is not detrimental to the overall development of a child. If a father isn’t present, a relationship with a male figure will positively contribute to the development of a child during their formative years. Provided your child is receiving love, care and attention, they will be happy and healthy.
The truth is… fatherhood is for life
The truth is, being a new father is hard. Historically, a man’s identity was tied to career and keeping the family financially afloat. Now, the concept of an ‘involved father’ can sometimes feel like a juggling act. But, regardless of how the father is connected to the baby, or which name they call you by, The modern day father can contribute to their children’s health and mental well being in a variety of ways. By maintaining a healthy relationship with the other parent in cases of divorce or times of trouble, providing emotional and financial support along with appropriate monitoring and discipline – the most important thing a new father can do is remain a permanent, loving and supportive presence in their lives.
[1] ABS, 2021, Labour Force Status of Families: Explores how families engage with the labour market, Accessed on 18 August at: https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/labour/employment-and-unemployment/labour-force-status-families/latest-release
Cath Curtin, affectionately known as Midwife Cath, is a trusted expert in women’s health, pre-pregnancy, postnatal care, breastfeeding, and antenatal care and education. A is a qualified nurse, midwife, and a maternal and child nurse, and celebrated author, Midwife.
Cath provides advice for parents with children of all ages – from birth to toddlers on feeding, behaviour, routines and sleep. Prioritising the health of new mothers and babies, Midwife Cath has care at the heart of all she does. In 2021, Midwife Cath took on an expert brand ambassador role with global infant accessories brand Tommee Tippee.
