Kiddipedia
It was in our first and “foggy” week of parenthood that ‘Daddy-man’ and I discovered the beauty and effectiveness of what we now call “The Shift”.
We have since shared this concept with friends and family who were/are about to embark on the wild and wonderful journey of parenthood and have received nothing but positive feedback on how helpful it has been for all.
Chances are you are already applying something similar and good on you! We simply decided to label it and celebrate its success. “The Shift” has made a significant difference to how we manage the ‘funks’ our little boss gets himself in to and importantly, the value it’s added to our precious relationship and individual ego’s (all of which are critical to successful and enjoyable parenting).
Despite the 8/8 rating on the “Likely Culprit” checklist….
Nappy change √
Tired √
Hungry √
Thirsty √
Too hot/cold √
Wind/Reflux √
Need a cuddle √
Need stimulation √
…..our precious little offspring can simply present as unhappy, and, no matter what you try, you simply can’t make the difference. Guess what? It’s not personal! Nor is it something you have or haven’t done and a simple ‘Shift’ can make an immediate and very relieving difference for everyone involved. It’s the change in voice, body, scent, energy and experience all of which act as a simple yet effective diversion from how they are feeling to what they are now experiencing as ‘different’.
Ever notice how a Grandmother can pick up an unhappy child and settle it immediately? Only then proceed ever so proudly and show off their ‘Super-Nanna’ magical powers?
When I first experienced the effectiveness of the “The Shift”, I’ll admit it did knock my Mummy-ego a little. Picture this, you have checked off all items on your “Likely Culprit” list the Maternal Health Nurse gave you, you are cuddling your sad little munchkin tight and asking them gently “what is wrong it my darling?”, when Daddy comes a long and says “here let me try”, scooping bubba up to give you the break you need and “hey presto!” the tears and carry on cease immediately. WTF? Talk about mixed emotions of relief and failure.
Of course I carried the weight of “why couldn’t I do that?” for the rest of the day but made the decision to voice it with Daddy later that evening. We are big advocates of “a problem shared is a problem halved” in this house and have both experienced how detrimental withholding feelings can be. On that note, my partner and I encourage ALL feelings to be expressed, rational and irrational simply by using a version of the following opening ‘safety statement’…..
“This may not make sense, and you may not agree however when you did/said this It made me feel…….”.
It’s Gold! Your speaking from YOUR perspective (the only place you should speak from) and your acknowledging up front that they may not agree and/or your interpretation may be way off as a result of you feeling fragile.
Ironically Daddy shared that he too has experienced this scenario whereby he has tried everything in his power to console our son and yet a simple “Shift” into Mummies arms has settled our boy in an instant leaving him feeling inadequate and incapable of meeting his needs. All of which are completely untrue of course.
And so the healthy and very welcome “Shift” was born in our parenting space and we made a commitment to offer each other and our son exactly that as often as needed.
Even more importantly was the delivery style of the invitation for a “Shift”. For example, “here let ME try” you may agree can send the wrong message.
“Can I offer a shift love”? or “How about a shift honey”? we found was not condescending or suggestive that the other parent wasn’t performing a “good enough” job and needed rescuing. In fact, the invitation for a “Shift” was simply a reward in the form of a break for all the hard work that had just been invested.
You may also like to read:
5 Things to Let Go of in Parenting that will Save Your Sanity
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