Kiddipedia
For this blog I decided to share what it’s really like from my experience of being a stay at home mum. Lately, I’ve felt very isolated, and lonely. I only have a few close friends and that’s ok I’m happy with that. Most of them have kids now, but they’re all now working and I’m still at home, so I don’t see them all that much and I get it, it’s hard to catch up and make time for people when you have to juggle kids working and trying to have time for your family and yourself.
I don’t blame them at all. It’s not their fault. I’ve just been struggling lately and it’s just me. I’ve been struggling with myself, my head and it sucks but its reality for me. Then there’s the kids I don’t know if they are picking up on me being stressed and down or it’s just their age and a phase they are going through but they have been so hard lately. Harder than usual. The not listening to me is on a whole other level, their craziness is on another level and their fighting and yelling is just crazy. It’s driving me crazy.
To add to it all this time of year is crazy too my oldest birthday is in October, there’s a few birthdays in November then my youngest birthday is a week before Christmas.
I don’t know how mums do it with kid’s birthdays on Christmas Eve or Christmas day.
People always say to me oh you’ve got your hands full or they’ll keep you busy. Some days yes it’s busy and I have my hands full. But at the same time I’m also bored. I don’t have anything to do for myself to keep my mind busy. To have an outlet I guess. And you might be thinking why don’t you get a job then do a course. And yes I would love to study something so I have something I can do when I do go back to work. But I have no idea what I want to do just yet. And personally right now working isn’t exactly an option when you weigh up the cost of childcare against what i would get paid from working I don’t think it’s worth it right now.
Last night I struggled to fall asleep I tossed and turned for what felt like hours trying to fall asleep my mind wouldn’t shut off and I started to cry because it all hit me at once all the worries and stress I’ve been trying to push away just came flooding in. I was thinking about how I’m going to manage getting the kids Christmas presents and my son’s birthday presents, on top of just general bills.
Then I’ve got a hens party for my sister in law in Dec. Just before my son’s birthday, when i first got the invite I was surprised and excited and then my anxiety kicked in and my brain was saying I’m not going I have nothing to wear I can’t buy a new outfit I don’t know some of the people going I’m not gonna go. Then after talking with a friend I decided stuff it, i deserve a day out I’m going.
So while that is exciting that just adds to my list of things to do and prepare for before Christmas. Plus were wanting to get away over the Christmas New Year break. It’s something my partner really wants to do, and I would like to as well, it would be great to get away.
On top of all that I feel like my relationship is pushed to the back of it all. I’ve struggled with my sex drive since having my second. Its nonexistent a lot of the time and it’s not so much anything my partner does it’s just me, most days I am just drained emotionally mentally and physically. I just don’t have anything left in me at the end of the day. And it’s a horrible feeling. I know relationships aren’t all about sex but whether we want to admit it or not it plays a big role in most relationships.
Don’t get me wrong I love being home with my kids, overall I love being a stay at home mum. It’s just lately I have been feeling like crap and not enjoying it as much. And that’s ok. I wanted to share this in the hope that it helps another mum feel less alone, to know that it’s ok to feel like this. That it’s ok to not be ok, it’s ok to not enjoy every part of being a stay at home mum.
There is more to my story, I have just chosen to not share all the details.
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