Kiddipedia
by Monica M. Bijoux, CEO/ Founder & International Bestselling Author
Parenting is complicated enough. For me being a single teenage mother with complications of having a significant history of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse made parenting 10x more difficult. Determined not to allow my past to complicate my relationship with my daughter, I had made a promise to myself and a vow to my daughter that I would never let anyone hurt her. The best way I knew how to honor my commitment was not to repeat my mother’s mistakes. I had to discover simple ways to ensure she felt valued, loved and keep the connection between us strong.
Most of us know, when a child turns into a tween/teenager, the mother/daughter relationship changes due to our daughter going through puberty. It can be a daunting time for mothers; however, if you start the bond early on, that time can be less intense. There are at least five things I recommend laying a stronger foundation between a mother and daughter.
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Communicate
Allowing your daughter to express herself even when she is upset keeps the communication door open, which is more important than her shutting down. As a mother, your daughter learns how to communicate by watching her mother. If you are constantly yelling when you are upset, shutting down, or avoid talking about complex topics, your daughter will do the same.
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Validate
Let your daughter know her opinion and feelings matter. Validation is significant for emotional development. For instance, if your daughter tells you she is upset or bothered by something, don’t tell her it is not a big deal or immediately turns the conversation into one about what to do. Sometimes, a daughter just wants to be heard.
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Spend Quality Time
Incorporate a mother/daughter day a minimum of once a month.
During this time, make it a rule of no electronics to allow a day for the two of you to connect and talk about whatever. Suppose you have already established a foundation for open communication, and your daughter knows her feelings are validated. In that case, she will welcome days where it is just the two of you and open to communication.
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Be the Example
An adage of “Do what I say, not what I do” no longer works. How do you
expect your daughter to respect you when you are not setting a great example? Where do daughters learn about relationships? Being an example includes how you respect one another, how you dress, how you communicate, and especially the company you keep.
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Separate action from personality
When your daughter does or says something you do not
like, be careful not to attach the move to the behavior. For example, if you think what she has done is “stupid or dumb,” don’t call your daughter “stupid or dumb.” The behavior is considered impolite. When we attach a behavior to a child’s character, we plant a seed of lack of confidence, low self-esteem, low self-image, or other developmental complications.
A mother and daughter’s bond are not like any other. It is either extremely tense or an unbreakable bond. I recommend building a solid foundation while your daughter is young. The last thing you want to hear people say when your daughter is out of hand is, “She’s just like you!” and cringe. Let this year begin the year of connection between you and your daughter.
Monica Bijoux, CEO & Founder of DECIDE TO MOVE LLC, helps high-achievers, especially military veterans, become entrepreneurs by taking ideas and turning them into a successful and thriving business to create financial freedom and live a life of purpose.
