Kiddipedia
Resolving conflict during the festive season takes one word CIVILITY. Civility is simply a formal politeness showing up as courtesy in one’s behavior and speech. Minding our manners and manage our speech breeds respect not conflict. Part of what makes us human is civility—it’s the deference between us and animals. That said, Civility exists as the education that each of us has as a result of our upbringing, based on the code of ethics learned within the family structure, and then reinforced by the various stages acquired at each stage of life.
The process of resolving conflict during the festive season really shouldn’t be any different from resolving conflict during any other time of the year. If practiced it becomes another part of life’s processes, meaning it’s innate. Starting each day with a civil mind is a big part of resolving conflict because conflict is stopped before it even starts. It’s more preventative based than resolution based. If faced with adversity during the festive season you are less likely to respond in a harsh manner because you’re rooted in a civil mindset.
In my humble opinion has more to do with what’s on your heart already than what someone lays at your feet at the moment. For example, if you have hell in you there’s no resolution fitting, if you are level headed and calm in your manner, decent in your speech and reasonable in your behavior you are more like to move in the opposite direction of conflict. Always remember it’s the cooler head that prevails.
Being civil does not mean you must be in an agreeable state of mind 24 hours day, but it does mean that you have the tool to avoid conflict. When you’re faced with faced with conflict, you know to keep you focus on the issue and not the person because focusing on the person on makes the situation personal. Instead of leading with your anger you know to lead with your empathy allowing yourself to make room for the other person to go through whatever they are plagued with in peace and not feel a need to become defensive for acting out—there will be time for that late during the apologies.
During the exchange of words allow the person to express their feeling without cutting them off or finish their sentences. Listen for your time to interject, but take more time to find commonalities this will temper the conversation and who know you both may share a great laugh when all is said and done.
To avoid conflict all to think about things like, when was the last time you sent someone flowers or a thinking of you card, thank you card just to remind them of how wonderful they are or what they did that left a lasting impression on you for no reason except to let that person know that he or she was appreciated? Can you remember a time recently when you chose to give someone who had wronged you the benefit of the doubt, and offered him or her kindness instead of grief? How often do you take the time to do the extra niceties: setting a pretty table, reach out to someone to wish them well, offer a compliment, or extend a small gesture that will seemingly make another person’s life a little easier—even if it cost you some time, money or energy to do it? It doesn’t take a lot to turn a heated situation around it just take you wanting to.
One person choosing to be civil is exhibiting the power to change another person’s negative behavior, communication and/or course of action. The key is to do something every day to foster civility—ask yourself “What are you doing right now to foster civility? In this moment, by offering one small gesture, by making one simple choice, you can make life better—for yourself and for everyone you come in contact with. You only need to choose to do it.
There are many benefits of civility. Some benefits such as personal confidence, trust and social capital are immeasurable. The costs of incivility is a significant one, too, and they are often immutable such as non-responsiveness, misunderstandings, arguments, withholding of information, diminished morale and/or mood, negative attitudes lack of accountability difficulty maintaining relationships, less.
Choosing civility is intentional with purpose expressing manners, having an understanding of the value of connection beyond social requirements.
Toni Dupree
CEO/Etiquette Coach
Etiquette & Style by Dupree
“Improving Me Adds Value To The Way I See You”
