AC Podiatry
“Kids!! Dinner is ready!!” is the call that comes from the kitchen after my wife has worked hard preparing a meal fit for kings. Silence ensues. No rushing to the table, no calling out from wherever Master 13 and Miss 11 are residing…”KIIIIDDDDSSS!!”…the call goes out again. I can hear the tension and frustration rising in her voice now. It’s been several minutes, still no reply. This isn’t good I tell myself. She’s looking at me now with a look of frustration. The look that tells me “Do you want to help me here?”. Understandably she doesn’t always want to be the bad cop. I acknowledge the look and set forth on my expedition to find the children and get their tiny backsides to the table.
It doesn’t take me long to find them. We are a gamer household so after a short trek to the “game room”, lo and behold, there they are. I open the door to find Miss 11 huddled over her Nintendo Switch Lite, headphones on, barking into her microphone as she converses with her friends about where the hidden sniper is in her game of Fortnite. It doesn’t take me long to realise that she is playing online with Master 13 (also with headphones on, eyes glued to the TV from which his gameplay is coming) and one of his friends, as they are now discussing how they are now in the top 10 out of 100 and how they’ve almost won. Both are totally oblivious to my presence as they are totally engrossed in the final stages of the game.
I stand there for a minute watching them. I’m conscious, of course, that my wife is waiting expectantly in the kitchen/dining room for me to return from my quest with kids in tow, however I wanted to take in how they behaved, without knowing I’m there. I’ve played with them online before, however I always had the inkling that they were on their best behaviour, so I saw this as an opportunity to compare my experience with the reality. What I saw surprised me. They spoke shortly and directly, not rudely, but issuing instructions and suggestions in rapid fire order. “Go left around the house, I’ll go right and we’ll get them”, “Camper (a player who hides in cover rather than running around in open space) in the tree on the hill”, “Help, I’ve been knocked (the term for losing your energy and falling to the ground), come save me”, “Good job”. The stream of communication was endless. Whether liaising with the friends online or with each other, the goal was the same and they were working as a team towards it. As a fellow gamer I was impressed, as a gamer dad I understood, as a smart husband I knew what my task was and that took precedence over everything else.
With a start they responded to my voice. “We know dad, dinner is ready but there’s only 6 players left. We can win this!!”, says Master 13 from the beanbag on the floor. “Yeah, we’ll be there in a sec dad. We just need to finish this game”, echoes Miss 11 from the couch, both of their eyes flitting from my face back to their screens.
Now from my own experience as well as those I hear when speaking with parents this is not an uncommon reality. Parents needing their kids to do something or be somewhere and the kids telling coming back with comments like “I won’t be long”, “I can’t stop now”, “I’ve nearly finished”, and my personal favourite, “If I turn it off now I’m going to lose everything”. As a parent this type of behaviour can be frustrating, infuriating, selfish and viewed as being disrespectful. I understand, because, at times, I have felt the same way. So as parents, and with gaming not going anywhere (as much as I’m sure many of us would like it do disappear) how can we avoid or manage these situations?
Firstly, don’t just turn the game off at the power point, pull the socket out of the wall, unplug or switch off the router or turn the TV off. That is just cold and, to be frank, disrespectful to your child. Most games are either played online with other people who actually rely on one another or are story-based games, which gamers can put hundreds of hours into playing. Many gamers take pride in their achievements and the effort that they have put in, not only in the context of the game but in the work it has taken to cultivate their online relationships. In situations like Master 13, where he is actually growing his own community with the view of creating a career, disrupting his play could have a significant impact on their following, and effect their ability to become affiliated with streaming and online hosting companies. The action of just switching it off actually trivialises all of this work and will likely be viewed as mean and disrespectful. Yes, I understand that they can be viewed as being disrespectful towards us, however we are the adults and as such know that two wrongs don’t make a right.
This takes me to my second point. Don’t take it personally. I know it’s easy enough for me to say, however your kids are not turning the game off to make a point, annoy you, or cause drama. In their mind they are committed to a point in the game that they feel they can’t just “turn it off”. Whether it’s for fear of letting their online community and friends down (and this is real, don’t trivialise it) or not being at a point where they can “save” all of the work they have put into the game, they feel wedged. They know they “have” to turn it off because it’s time, however this does conflict with the, “I can’t let them down” or “I’m going to lose all this work” thought train. Now I know in many cases it can be the dopamine driven, reward centre, “I just want to get to the next point” situation rather than the cases mentioned above. If this is the case, then I feel it is acceptable as a parent to step in. The trick is knowing which case is which and this will only come from an understanding of the games they are playing and what they are doing in game. It is my strong belief that this knowledge comes from spending time playing together with kids and talking to them about the games they are playing.
Now we know what not to do, what can or should we do as parents?
I alluded to it earlier, however you have to know what they are playing. Online games cannot be saved. If they are playing games such as Fortnite, Apex Legends, Overwatch or FIFA, the game can’t be paused or stopped. The consequences of which are mentioned above. Meanwhile, games played offline will just save progress as you go or provide the option to go to the menu and save the game. Even if they can’t save the progress just yet, they can pause the game and go back to it later to reach a save point. So, my suggestion to prevent these issues from arising would be as follows.
- Give your kids a 30-minute warning that said event will occur, be it dinner being ready or leaving to go somewhere. Most online games, once in game, will last between 15 and 20 minutes. Some do go longer so the 30 minutes provides a buffer.
- Encourage them to do something else. If they are going to game ask them to play offline rather than online. This will circumvent the need to appease online friends and communities and will provide in most instances the option to save or pause the game. Understand though, that if the game is paused, there will be an expectation that they can go back to it in order to reach a save point.
- Be very clear around the consequences should they NOT uphold the agreement. If this is set out from the start, they should have no complaints and again, kids don’t do this to upset you and given your understanding will try to do the right thing.
I hope this has given you some ideas on how to manage this tricky situation and as always, I’d love to hear your thoughts and get your feedback. I’d also love to hear if this has worked for you.
Much Love
DTG
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