Kiddipedia
by Dr Kirsten Hunter
https://www.kirstenhunterauthor.com
We are our children’s mentors, their teachers about life and their champions in finding a way through life’s challenges. The big questions in life are going to come from your child’s lips to our panicked ears. It can be daunting to realise that we are taking our child’s hand and leading them into the world. So how do we approach this? How do we get our pitch just right?
There are three hot tips:
- Speak child language
- Tell them just enough and not too much
- Keep you out of it.
Let’s break it down:
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Speak child language
There’s an ocean gap between child and teenage language, and adult language. If you want to really communicate well with your child so that they can absorb what you’re saying, then you need to speak their language. Kids don’t use descriptive adjectives in the same way that adults do, and their vocabulary is obviously not as advanced.
So imagine that you are in a class of kids that are your child’s age. What language would you use to address the group. This image can often ground us and remind us of our child’s actual developmental stage. In session, I often use the word ‘tricky’ for difficult times, and I always draw images to communicate concepts. Visual images stick in the mind and can communicate so clearly. It’s also great to use concrete terms that kids can relate to. For example, when talking with a little person about the death of a beloved Grandma, when we were talking about how she was still with him, I said ‘it’s like there is a string between you and her. You can feel that she is still with you.’
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Tell them just enough and not too much
It’s crucial to just take your child to the next step in their knowledge instead of completely up the stairwell. Give them bite sized information that matches their questions. If you tell them too much information and too much detail you will probably overwhelm and confuse them. For sexual education for example, it’s great to actually ask, ‘what do you already know?’ ‘What’s confusing for you? ‘What have you been wondering about?’ ‘What have you heard at school?’ And then match your sharing to where their head is actually at.
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Keep you out of it
This is about knowing your issues and parking them sideways so that you can just focus on your child’s needs. If you are feeling a big emotional reaction, if you have some historical demons around an issue, then know the enormous danger that you are likely to transfer and dump these on your child. So take a breath, calm yourself down, or if you really can’t leave your issues aside, then maybe you’re not the best person to have this conversation with them. Let your child know that their questions are extremely important and your top priority and that you’re going to do a great job in giving them answers. Then take some time to work out the best way to support them (and maybe get some support for yourself as well).
It’s an honour to take your child or teenager’s hand and guide them through life. Just remember to be extremely mindful in this guidance. I’m sure you’ll do great.
Dr Kirsten Hunter is a Clinical Psychologist of 20 years. She works with children, teenagers, adults, and couples.
Kirsten has written 6 DIY psychology books that cover 200+ topics across the expanse of clinical areas.
She wants to put her clinical knowledge in the public’s hands.
Opening the floodgates of psychology.
Kirsten is the mother to five beautiful boys. Along with her husband Jon, she loves scuba diving and getting lost in nature with lengthy bushwalks.
