Kiddipedia
By Dina Cooper
At a workshop a mum asked me how do I stop my daughter from lying to me – she’s 5 years old and lies all the time.
Has your child lied to you?
I’ve experienced lying when my own sons were younger so I understood this mum’s concerns. We want to jump on behaviour like this quickly and encourage our child to tell the truth because we want them to be good humans – do you agree?
It was just over a decade ago, I learnt that what we believe about ourselves shapes who we become and it became my mission to figure out how our children formulate beliefs and what opportunities we have as parents to help shape our children’s beliefs. Great news…turns out we have a lot!
So what do beliefs have to do with lying?
When a child first says something that we know is not true, we have the opportunity to shape how they label that behaviour. So for example, instead of labelling the behaviour as “lying” we can say they are “testing boundaries” or “being creative with their words”
Why would we not just call it “lying” because that’s what it is?
The simple answer is, a young child doesn’t know the behaviour they are displaying is lying. They haven’t yet formulated any meaning about the behaviour.
So when we believe their intention is good and that they are not necessarily lying.. that perhaps they are just testing boundaries with us (which helps them grow) or being creative with their words (which is a great skill)…and we label it as such, they get an opportunity to grow into different behaviour, one that we want more of.
How cool is that?!
Dina Cooper is a mum of two teens and a parent coach. For over a decade she’s help tired and frustrated parents find ways to connect with children in a way that feels good for them both whilst unlocking the potential in their child. She is the author of Smart Parenting – How to Develop Your Child’s Mindset Courage and Resilience for the Future of Work and founder of the 8 module online program – The Parent as Leader Method. For more information and connecting with Dina visit www.parentasleader.com
