Michael Ray
Do we really need a special day to profess our love with some grand gesture complete with jewelry, flowers, chocolates or even some specialty, purpose designed, hardly practical but unusually interesting underwear?
Valentine’s day has its origins in the Roman festival of Lupercalia. The festival celebrated the coming of spring. It also included fertility rites and the pairing off of women and men by a lottery, sort of an ancient “Tinder” by the sounds of it?
A quick survey sees people firmly divided into two camps,
- It’s just blatant commercialism, besides every day should be an opportunity to be romantic not one individual day set aside when people are supposed to show their love for one another
- It’s important to have a day to remind our partners how much we love them, to emphasis the romantic love aspect that sometimes gets forgotten as we rush through life possibly resembling team mates instead of lovers.
Let me explain why I’m in both camps.
We have Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, specific and important dates to make a fuss and show our gratitude and love for our parents, do we need these dates? Shouldn’t every day be a celebration of our parents?
In fact, those of you reading this with a birthdate around the 14th of November may well be the by-product of your parent’s handywork after a romantic Valentine’s dinner and chocolates while wearing the purpose designed, hardly practical but unusually interesting underwear.
Just stop and consider that. Or don’t!!
Now I’ve managed to get that last thought out of my mind, let’s try and focus on the bigger picture. Don’t let the over the top commercialism detract from the importance and symbolism of setting aside one day a year to emphasis romance with your partner and role model positive expressions of love to your kids.
Every day is Valentine’s Day when you have a daughter, it is up to us dads to support and prepare our daughters transition from princess towards one day having their own relationships and their own kids should they decide. Be the example with your standards.
Every day is Valentine’s Day because It’s up to us dads to model and help our daughters develop the skills and attitudes that will lead to more satisfying relationships. By making sure they know they’re loved and lovable, it will give them the confidence to choose partners who are good to them and also good for them. Set the standard with your example.
Every day is Valentine’s Day because we’ve got to accept that our daughters are going to want to date. It is important for our daughters, once they enter their teenage years to learn how to date, navigate romantic and sexual encounters, and to build healthy boundaries and relationships with those partners. Our daughters shouldn’t have to work for love, not with us and definitely not with any future partner. Our daughters need to see the example of love not being conditional on certain behaviours, compliance or convenience. Be the example.
Every day is Valentine’s Day because we must realise that our daughters are always watching and that what we do matters way more than what we say. We need to be asking ourselves what are our daughters learning about life in general, about morality about how people should treat one another, about relationships from observing us every day? Set the standard.
Every day is Valentine’s Day for me because getting a surprise bunch of flowers makes Charlie’s day. Because I realise, I’m setting the standard she will accept from future partners, I must be the example. Because I realise, I’m her example of how someone who loves and respects her should treat her. Because I realise, I need to support and nurture who she really is and not try to control or create who I think she should be because the thought of anyone controlling this kid breaks my heart, so I must do better. Be the example.
Every day is Valentine’s Day when you realise the way you speak to her will become her inner voice, her self-esteem, her confidence, it is all down to you. The way she perceives herself and others will reflect the values you display, the way you react and even the lunchbox notes you write, you do better. Set the standard.
Simply stated, it’s up to us dads to make every day Valentine’s Day and show our daughters how they should be treated. It is up to us dads to model respectful treatment of all women (including not denigrating or disrespecting their mothers, because that example will set the standard).
So, on this Valentine’s Day there will definitely be flowers, chocolates and a huge fuss made for my daughter. And every other moment, of every other day, I will be trying my hardest to be the example and set the standard!!
Making numerous TV and radio appearances and regularly providing comments to news outlets, Michael has been featured in several both local and international publications and podcasts and would make a great contribution to your next conference, publication or panel. If you would like to make a booking or an enquiry please follow the following link: https://michaelray.com.au/event-booking
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