Kiddipedia
The festive season represents many good things for most people. Family time, laughter, celebration, gifts and generally hanging with close friends and family.
It also represents tough times for others – people who are alone and don’t have families or are estranged from them, a reminder to so many people that this time represents loneliness and isolation – and Covid has made this even more stark in the eyes of many.
Conflict at Christmas – why?
Spending time at Christmas with family (or extended family members) can fall short of our expectations. The situation could be that even though you are related to others, spending more hours (or days) than you have in the past often brings with it tension. Add in unresolved issues and frustration over some slight in the past, mix in a bit of the joyful spirit (alcohol), things can be said to hurt others or defend your position.. Wham!
A fun, joyful festive season walks out the door.
Tips for thriving during the Festive Season
The festive season is about being jolly, giving to others (presents as well as other Love Languages) and forgiveness – it’s not the time to resolve long standing family issues because if done now, it often backfires.
- Accept there may be tension, but don’t buy into the family dynamic. Stand your ground quietly and respectfully. Sit on the other side of the room if you must.
- Include the whole family – no matter who is at the festive season table, make sure they are included in the conversation or any activity you may have at Christmas. Research tells us that mental health issues are heightened during the festive season and many people may dread having it with family, so remember not everybody at the table wants to be there – or is comfortable contributing to the greater cause at this time. So, include them. Be the peace-maker. The inclusive person. But respect their space when they need it.
- Plan an activity for everybody – whether it’s outdoor cricket in the back garden or playing charades, an activity for everybody to enjoy often takes the tension out of the air. It is fun, enjoyable and people can create great memories for themselves through this. Did you know Christmas Cracker jokes are purposefully obvious, so no one feels left out of the fun? Be the Christmas Cracker.
- Get into the full swing of the season – silly hats, crackers and balloons all help build the spirit and enjoyment of the season. It’s also a great ‘leveller’ as everybody may look silly wearing a Christmas hat, but we’re all in the same boat.
- Plan for some quiet time. Besides being busy and having a fun time, create a situation where people can enjoy quiet time or have a nap. For example, small children can nap or have alone time between 3 pm – 5 pm on festive days. It gives everybody the chance to recharge and get back into the swing with renewed zest if necessary
- It’s ok not to go – if somebody is anxious and distressed about being with family during the festive season, it is ok not to go. To excuse yourself in whatever way you feel is appropriate. Some families are simply toxic and so being around them is no fun – so, why do it?
- Communicate positively – the best way to steer family conversations during the festive season is to remain positive. If the heat is turned on, thank everybody for their contribution and explain that the festive season is one to be enjoyed. If any people would like to resolve issues with each other, do it in January, but right now let’s enjoy our time together
- Respect everybody’s viewpoint – we’re all right in our own way. Or so we believe, or else there would be no conflict. Thank everybody for their perspective and if necessary, agree to disagree about something. To win often means that you must negotiate your position or point of view.
- Negotiate and compromise when you need to – try and achieve a win-win outcome because it will always be better than win-lose. Ask yourself if this battle is worth it. I believe that it is important to lose every battle, but win each war. A war consists of things that are very important to you and non-negotiable. Examples include loyalty, honesty and respect. Navigate conversations with these in mind.
- Stay cool – she or he who remains calm during heated times, wins. If you can remain calm when others around you are not, you have a position of power because you can help separate or calm others down
A festive season is just that – festive.
Keep these simple tips in mind as we race towards Christmas and the 2020 festive season so you remember the occasion as a happy and enjoyable family time, filled with love and care.
Caryn Walsh is a Psychologist and academic with over three decades helping individuals conquer challenges in their personal and professional lives. Having written and taught University curriculum to identify and manage a range of human emotions and behaviours, Caryn prides herself on bringing a blend of practical applications backed by rigorous theoretical principles to get the absolute best outcomes for her clients. With experience spanning continents, Caryn has dedicated her life to creating positive change in families and empowering women to reach their full potential, through her Be Unstoppable online program.
