Dr Tanya Unni
Motherhood is an unparalleled bliss and one that women hold closest to their heart. On 9 May 2021, the world rejoiced in the magnificence of motherhood and celebrated International Mother’s Day. It’s an occasion to acknowledge the person who makes every day phenomenal with her love, care, selflessness, sacrifice, nurturing and blessing.
Being a mother entails being there for your child 24/7, putting them first, being ever ready for challenges and in case anything goes wrong, maybe even taking the blame.
However, instead of envisioning mother as a superwoman or angel, we must understand and acknowledge that she is also a human being who feels irritated and miserable; and gets tired and bogged down by everything that life throws at her. She also has her own personal dreams, vision and goals.
Putting mothers on a lofty pedestal of sacrifice and selflessness is a mode of escapism. Women are forced to live up to this unreal expectation as society induces relentless guilt into every mother’s mind. Am I a good mother? Am I giving enough attention to their diet? Am I supporting them well in studies? Am I doing enough to bring out the artists and sportsmen in my kids? Am I sharing the perfect value system with my children? Are they keeping up with the developmental milestones? What are the best investment plans for their future? ….. The list is never-ending.
If a mother decides to hold onto herself and her career, she almost needs to explain the reason for her identity other than motherhood. While the responsibility of men towards their family is traditionally and often still limited to the role of a breadwinner, the role of women lies vast and wide. In many societies a mother ‘allowed’ to work is still perceived as a being given a favor.
Today, the child-rearing responsibility most often still rests mainly on the mother, even if husband and wife work the same hours. Government sources reveal that women comprise 47.2% of employed persons in Australia. Every woman in the workforce has had to fight her own battle. And trust me, this gets tougher as we climb the career rung. Statistics reveal that women hold only 14.6% of chair positions and represent 18.3% of CEOs.
When each day becomes a point to be emphasised and a fight to be won, many women concede halfway and simply give up. It will take eons for people to understand that being a mother does not mean you cease to be a professional, expert or skilled person in any stream. Motherhood does not preclude efficiency and dedication in profession. It does not demand you to surrender self-esteem, dreams and life. Motherhood is part of the journey that a girl undertakes and not the end.
A 2018 study surveying more than 50,000 individuals in 18 countries highlighted that the view that women can’t be good workers and good parents at the same time is highly pervasive. Joan C. Williams, American professor and author has termed this as maternal wall bias. The maternal wall is erected when colleagues view mothers as less competent and less committed to their jobs. A working woman who has no children means business. But once she decides to expand her family, it is assumed that she will be less dedicated at work. Mothers are often overlooked for challenging assignments or promotions and their chances of professional advancement becomes less. This maternal wall bias has now been identified as a major problem for women’s career advancement.
Women must remember that you are not alone. Don’t wait for society to change. Get on with life and do your bit. Remember, doing what you love makes you a better mother. Mothers are indisputably, the involuntary teachers and role models of children for life. To be good mothers, every woman must live their life to the fullest and lead by example. The day a woman asserts herself and speaks upright she leaves a lasting impression on her children. And society will follow.
Dr Tanya is a Director of Amtan Medical Group and Skin Lab & Beauty. Amtan Medical Group recently launched a new service model for expecting and new mothers which includes antenatal care; pregnancy and birthing education; postnatal care including home visits and feeding assistance; infant massage instruction teaching baby massage, settling techniques and sleep support; nutrition plans; mental health and wellness; health checks; and postnatal depression support. Dr Tanya is also a busy mother of two.
