Mummy To Twins Plus One
I never thought I would have a boy.
During my pregnancy, I thought I was having a girl. Silly really as parts of my pregnancy were so different, and yet I still thought it could be a girl. We are old fashioned and didn’t find out the gender until birth.
As soon as the midwife said the baby has a full head of black hair I knew it was a boy. Yep, I just knew.
My first thought of my new little person was he was amazing, cuddly and just perfect.
Some things that I have noticed about our little boy are:
• When first born he was super fussy and that hasn’t stopped but become a little easier. He did have silent reflux and screamed for the first six months. This was hard to manage but thankful he grew out of it and is better now.
• I did wonder if every time I changed a nappy that he would decide to use his penis to go to the toilet but this has only happened once and he is now over two and half years old.
• Little boys are very sensitive, well at least mine is.
• He gets upset easily and is hard to calm down.
• Has bad temper tantrums and for a while around the six-month mark was smashing his head into the floor, walls and anywhere he could find. (The twins never did this)
• Super obsessed with cars, trucks and trains.
• Makes me food with his pretend food set, and of course, puts pretend soy sauce on everything. Not sure how salty it all will be.
• Loves his teddies.
• Has to have the book, “Stick Man” read to him at night.
• Favourite films and shows: Madagascar (otherwise known as the animals), Minions, Toy Story, The Wiggles and In the Night Garden.
• My little boy loves cuddles and actually really favours mummy. He does love daddy too, but if I’m around I’m it.
• He loves helping out and puts things away
• He’s a joker and is so funny. I think he shares our weird sense of humour.
• My little boy is active and loves to dance, play, run, kicks his soccer ball, ride his bike, have fun with his sisters, mummy and daddy.
• He climbs everything and sees areas he cannot get to as a challenge (the twins climbed but not as early as my little boy has)
• I’ve been trying to get him on the potty and start toilet training but he screams and carries on like I’m killing him. The twins were doing this at two and a half and I hope to start with gusto when the weather is warmer. I have been told that boys take longer and I hope that he gets it before he’s three as I wish for him to go to preschool next year and he needs to be toilet trained during the day.
I love my girls so much and also my boy too. However, I am taken with what a sensitive soul he is.
The girls were like this at stages, and one, in particular, is more sensitive than the other twin.
Just because your little boy seems tough doesn’t mean that he doesn’t need cuddles and emotional support. In fact, it is proven that boys need more to ensure that they thrive.
The Fragile Male by Sebastian Kraemer, discusses what factors make boys more fragile than girls and what can be done to help.
Baby boy’s brains are more receptive to their mums’ moods and feelings. It’s interesting that boys seem to pick up and take on more of their environment than girls do.
DID YOU KNOW:
New born baby boys brains are not as developed as baby girl’s brains, which has been found to be more advanced by at least six weeks.
In Kraemer’s report, he says that boys need to be nurtured, and allowed to express their feelings, cuddled and given as much emotional support and love as girls are.
Boys shouldn’t be told to toughen up or be a man. They need to be supported and loved.
If boys are supported emotionally it could help their health during their life, and be less likely to get depressed, able to express their feelings to family and partner.
It has been found that boys and men that don’t have enough emotional support might be at risk of suicide and other risky behaviour.
“According to Lifeline, three times as many Australian men die by suicide than women. In 2016, there were on average 41 male deaths by suicide each week. That’s six in a day, or one every four hours.” (https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/rendezview/listening-is-as-important-as-talking-about-male-suicide/news-story/590c7e2145cdab89a421314028a16c75)
Personally I’ve been showing each child the same level of emotional support and making time to be with each of them.
What can you do to give more emotional support?
• Spend time with your child playing
• Give cuddles
• Give kisses
• Listen to what your child wants to tell you – One key tip here is to not over react when he tells you something. Be supportive and helpful.
• Don’t underplay/dismiss feelings of sensitivity or upset. It is natural and happens to everyone.
• If your child doesn’t want to open up let them do it at their own pace – make sure you let him know that you are there when they are ready.
• If your child is hurt allow them to cry and express their feelings (boys can cry too)
• Be supportive of your child with whatever they wish to do. Having parents as a champion ensures that they will be happy, successful and healthy.
• Basically, be present and available for your kids.
Beyond Blue have great resources for families, everything from advice on why emotions matter, social skills, depression, anxiety, dealing with bullying and more. The advice is for all age stages.
I want all my kids to be able to tell mummy and daddy anything, express their feelings, feel safe at home and supported with whatever they wish to do in their life.
My aim is to be present and be with all my kids, I don’t do things differently just because one is a boy or a girl. The only difference might be that Alexander is super obsessed with cars and the girls aren’t.
If you have a boy have you found that family or friends don’t give him a lot of cuddles or attention compared to girls?
Let us know if you have noticed that your little boy was needing more emotional support? What did you do to ensure that he got what he needed?
You may also like to read:
Opinion Piece: Raising Boys Today
How to support your introvert child?
How to Raise Boys to be Gentlemen
