Fussy Eater Solutions
At dinner, my child refuses to come to the table. She has massive meltdowns if the food is not familiar to her! She will scream that the food is yuck, and that she is not eating it”. “At bedtime she will come out of bed and request food, we have to lie down with her. I am feeling so overwhelmed and I do not know where to turn for help”, says Rose.
As a fussy eater specialist I always ask about children’s sleep and schooling. It is important for me to assess if children are experiencing anxiety. While I often recommend families seek help from a psychologist, as a Fussy Eater Specialist I know that anxiety is problematic when a child has feeding challenges. Anxiety may impact appetite at any given meal, it may also increase avoidance of certain foods in children.
No parent wants to see their children going through anxiety or having difficulty at meal times when eating different foods, especially if their refusal to eat is severe and persistent. To help parents navigate this problem, there are a few key strategies they can follow when dealing with anxiety and extreme fussy eating in children.
Establishing Trust
The most important factor when handling children’s fussiness at mealtimes is trust. It is your currency. Children need to feel safe enough to express themselves without fear of judgement or shame. The best way to cultivate trust around food is never to push children to eat food they are not ready to eat.
Ellyn Satter says you need nerves of steel to apply the division of responsibility. You need to be steady and neutral and play the long term game. Once trust is established between parents and child, they can work together more effectively to address food-related anxieties
Acknowledge Feelings of Discomfort around Food
It is important for parents to acknowledge their child’s feelings about food rather than dismissing them out of hand – even if you think it’s irrational. I often explain that you cannot apply your logic to feeding difficulties, you may be tempted to say, ‘come on, it is corn and it is sweet, you like sweet!”, “on a count of 3, just swallow it, it is not going to kill you”! Logic is not the type of support your child needs. Even exposure can go wrong, I put peas on his plate, thinking that it would help expose him to new foods, isn’t that correct?”
It is, of course, very likely that after years of feeding challenges, you are annoyed at the difficulties your child is showing. If this is your situation, can we just reconsider your child’s response to the tactics you apply? Have you been able to convince your child to eat those peas? The answer is usually NO. Methods, such as bribing always stop working. Ignoring discomfort and anxiety do not make it go away.
Avoid Becoming an Enabler
When a child displays signs of anxiety around food, we are tempted to reduce it by solving the ‘food problem’ ourselves. For example, we short-order cook something else, we simplify the food we serve, or we only serve food the child will eat.
It is only natural we should be tempted to avoid offering challenging foods, when a child shows strong anxiety. However, the more we do, the more we reinforce the anxiety and the likelihood that the child will avoid the food. Professor Lebowitz’s work on anxiety is worth having a look at, it uses a similar approach to mine and it has produced good results in research. You can check it out here.
Instead of removing food or symplying it too much, keep serving a good range of food, that includes staples as well as easy and more challenging food.
Let Children Problem-Solve food
I met little Charlotte when she was 18 months old. She had been eating mixed pasta bowls and vegetables successfully for months, but was now looking at her plate screaming and crying. Her mother was tempted to remove all the offensive food from the plate and only serve the pasta Charlotte was eating. Charlie, a 4-year-old boy, had stopped eating fried rice and was down to only eating white rice.
Charlotte’s mum was about to follow in Charlie’s parents’ steps and simplify the pasta to calm her daughter. Can you see how Charlotte’s diet would become limited to only one type of plain pasta?
Instead, we helped Charlotte feel more relaxed around food and empowered her to remove items from her plate. In a few months she was back eating mixed pasta, after having separated bits for a while.
Charlie had to learn it was OK to remove the occasional pea and corn from rice, or work around them. It took a while for him to be more accepting of mixed foods.
James’ mum took him out to friends without packing food as soon as she felt, he had learned the skills to adapt. When he saw the pizza on offer, he first confided to his mother that he could not eat it. She heard him, showed some empathy and directed him, as we had worked on, to see if he could come up with a solution. James was thrilled that he removed the mushrooms so he could eat the pizza without problem.
Involving your Child in the Cooking Process
Children can learn the skills they need to make food more to their liking, they can learn to make food crunchier, or tastier, for example. Learning food skills, shopping for food will help reduce anxiety around food and prepare children to feed themselves successfully as they grow up. There is a correlation between knowing how to cook and eating a varied diet[1].
Develop Boundaries & Remain Consistent
It is essential that parents remain consistent and firm while explaining why certain decisions are made regarding meals. It is a parent’s job to decide what they will serve, children can eat whatever they want from what is on offer. Ensuring appropriate boundaries are set up before meal times will help keep things consistent. For example, children can learn to sit properly. So pick your battles, they are not about the food that is ingested, but about how comfortable and happy your child is at mealtimes.
Dealing with anxiety and extreme fussy eating is very challenging for both children and their parents. Creating a calm and relaxed environment at mealtime and offering a variety of foods goes a long way to support extreme fussy eaters. Seeking professional help if needed, and addressing underlying anxiety can help manage anxiety around food. Remember that it is important to be patient and not to get discouraged, and that learning to like food takes time.
- [1] “Cooking skills and diet quality: Results from the Australian Women’s Health Study” Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior, Vol. 47, No. 4, pp. 227–234, 2015.
