Kiddipedia
Lawyer Jacqui Bilson of Bilson Law provides a legal service where clients are listened to and empowered, working with them to ensure the best outcome. For anyone with a legal matter ahead of them, the prospect of separating when there are young children involved can be incredibly daunting.
If this is a prospect that you’re facing, Bilson Law – and its Principal Solicitor Jacqui Bilson has prepared the following advice.
The children mustn’t be “shut-out” of the process. If they have questions about what’s going on, Jacqui recommends; “to keep explanations as simple as possible and at all times, to reiterate to the children they are safe and secure.”
Jacqui adds, “Facilitating a sense of security in a child does not mean keeping everything the same and not making any changes. Children are very adaptable to change; it is how parents and carers support them during the change that impacts their sense of security.”
One way that parents can encourage this sense of security is by expressing clearly to the child through their actions, not words. Be careful with your actions. Jacqui says, “excessive hugs and emotional goodbyes do not tell the child that you will miss them; it tells the child that you are scared for them to leave your care.
“When the child is in the care of the other parent, and they learn they are indeed safe with the other parent, it will be the emotional parent that the child could learn not to trust. It has long been known and said that degrading the other parent in any way will be detrimental to your relationship with your child.”
If a child learns from a very young age they can move between parents confidently and securely, they will trust you to speak to you when things are not right.
For very young children, parents or carers often raise concerns about how they can exercise protective factors, especially if they are not verbal.
Jacqui says, “I often hear clients explaining to me the young child having a tantrum or displaying some normal toddler behaviour, and the parent believes that this outburst or tantrum is trauma-related because they have found this information on Google.”
This is never a reasonable assumption to make. While it is vital to act protectively, and any concerns should always be reported to child welfare, there are no exceptions. It is imperative to acknowledge that when parents separate, children are usually nervous about the unknown.
If you have concerns over the welfare of your young child, you should speak to a psychologist or counsellor and a family law lawyer. These professionals are well versed in working with situations where safety might be a concern; they will be able to consider the circumstances objectively and guide you to best move forward to keep your child safe.
If you think your child may need counselling, ask your GP for a referral to a local counsellor. “It’s important to remember that not every family will need counselling to work through the transition; every family is so very different, so don’t push counselling on a child unless you think it’s necessary,” says Jacqui.
Finally, bear in mind that the transition is an opportunity to build resilience in children every time they experience change or a difficult situation that is part of their learning as to how they adapt to change later in life. So use this opportunity and embrace it wholeheartedly, supporting the children in a warm and loving manner.
| How to self-care when your children are with the other partner
● It can be challenging for the primary-carer to spend time away from the child. Keep busy. Use the opportunity to think about what it is you like to do. Explore any new hobbies, join a sports club or gym with a friend, who will hold you accountable, but also understand if you just don’t want to go. ● Avoid alcohol and if you do go out with some friends for a few drinks, keep it off social media. I’m often handed many screenshots of the other party relaxing in their downtime or partying in their downtime associated with allegations of alcoholism and drug use. The moral is, don’t post it on social media if you wouldn’t want your partner to see it. Explain this to your friends, so they understand. ● In this regard, ensure that you change all your passwords to your personal email accounts, social media pages and shopping sites. Have clear definitions about joint email accounts set up by your solicitor.
|
Jacqui is a family law lawyer with experience representing clients in negotiations, mediation and Court (including Federal Circuit Court and Family Court) at Sydney, Parramatta and Newcastle in NSW.
Jacqui has experience in complex matters including where there have been serious allegations of risk and family violence including Magellan Protocol matters.
Prior to becoming a lawyer, for more than 17 years, Jacqui studied and worked extensively in the social science and humanities arena. She completed a Diploma in Welfare, Bachelor of Social Science (Psychology) and a Graduate Diploma in Counselling and has worked with various communities and client groups.
It is experts in social science who guide the family law courts. With Jacqui’s extensive background in social science and the humanities, she brings a unique and effective approach to her family law practice.
Jacqui is passionate about achieving the best results for clients and ensuring clients are informed every step of the way.
