Kiddipedia
Written by Kit Peters
I’m Kit, the Founder of Together We Wait, an online and in-person community that empowers and supports women in IVF. Together We Wait was “born” from my heartbreak of multiple IVF cycles and later my marriage breakdown. In 2016, I began IVF unprepared and I felt very much alone. I found the strength within and chose to make IVF better for both myself and other women. By creating a place and space, where we all belong, and Together We Wait. I’ve been listening to women in IVF for years now. IVF without a doubt is a difficult,clinical and isolating process for many. The quest to conceive for many women and men is long and strenuous, and expensive.
I once interviewed a woman for research as a part of building the Together We Wait community. In this interview the woman compared the IVF process to feeling as though “one’s uterus is on a conveyor belt.” The process for many couples and individual’s begins with grief. That initial grief is finding out that you aren’t able to conceive a child naturally.
Then there’s the decision fatigue. You are faced with so many decisions. To begin with its about what doctor to trust in your care, what clinic best suits your needs, what should you cut or keep in your diet, what are your chances of falling pregnant, when do you need to take certain medication, who should you tell, what time will you need off work, how many times will you be prepared to go through a stimulated IVF cycle and so on. There are many decisions to make initially and along the way. It can’t not feel overwhelming at times. You have to seek loads of clarity before you even go for your first blood test. I take my hat off to those on the donor pathway as there are many more decisions to make and even more clarity that you need to seek.
All that said, IVF is well much like a second job. When I checked in on a woman in the Together We Wait community that had commenced her first IVF cycles, she responded with “it’s been a rollercoaster juggling injections before work. I’m feeling a bit off. In an ideal world, there’s no way you’d work full-time going through this?”
The there are the physical and emotional side effects of medications, the non-viable embryo transfers, and the consistent waiting game. Below is a journal entry I wrote when my ex-husband was making the decision as to whether to embark on another frozen embryo transfer (FET).
Let me be honest with you I’m not ready for another FET; I’m afraid, more afraid than I’ve ever been. I think by delaying the next transfer I’m protecting myself and to be honest; I have the right to do so. For us conceiving a baby doesn’t consist of a glass of wine and a romantic night. For us, it means continuous monitoring, blood tests, ultrasounds, extra progesterone for me and the joyous (sarcasm) hormonal symptoms that accompany that, anxious waiting for your body to do as it should, massive medical bills and every other emotion that comes with the waiting game of IVF. To think some people just have sex to have a baby blows my mind and fills me with envy.
There’s also the constant feeling when you see mothers with their children or pregnant women that you are in the audience watching a stage play production that you keep auditioning to play a part in and keep getting rejected. You can see and appreciate its brilliance and beauty, but you are filled with sadness that you can’t be up there playing your part and enjoying being on stage.
I will say this though, I don’t want you to pity women and men in IVF. No. That’s not why I’ve written this piece. I do want you to understand their struggles and encourage and support them. I hope this opens your eyes to their struggles and to support that is here for them within this community.
I will leave you with this. The Together We Wait community members have over the years often met here in Sydney beneath a big shady tree in the Botanical Gardens. I’ve written a verse to explain from my perspective how I see the women in this community and their strength.
If this tree could talk it would share…
I’ve heard it all…
I’ve heard the miscarriages of both babies and hope
I’ve heard the non-viable transfers
I’ve heard the cancelled IVF cycles
I’ve heard the overwhelm of tough decisions
I’ve heard the single women going it solo
I’ve heard the tough calls be made to use donors
I’ve heard the late diagnosis of fertility-related conditions
If this tree could see it would share…
I’ve seen it all…
I’ve seen the her rise again and again
I’ve seen her share how she found hope once more
I’ve seen her inspire others to hold faith
I’ve seen the tough decisions be made
I’ve seen the healing take place
I’ve seen the curiosity to find answers
I’ve seen the exchanges of empathy
I’ve seen the hope transform into babies
I’ve seen exactly what it means to live with courage.
I’ve seen the good and the bad, and the making sense of it all.
I’m so lucky to have heard and seen it all and to help women in IVF by offering them a space to sit and connect under my branches. What I’ve seen and heard consistently throughout both the good and the bad is the love and support that comes from this community. Women supporting one another through infertility and IVF. It is a very beautiful thing to witness and such a privilege to facilitate.
Kit Peters, The Founder of Together We Wait
Together We Wait was “born” from my heartbreak of multiple IVF cycles and later my marriage breakdown. In 2016, I began IVF unprepared and felt very much alone. I chose to make IVF better for both myself and other women. Many women turn to IVF to become a mother. The process is filled simultaneously with eagerness and anxiety. Creating a child should be intimate and personal, but in IVF, it’s clinical and isolating. I created a place and space, where we all belong, and Together We Wait. I want women to thrive in fertility treatment. My motto is to always remember that you exist first and foremost. Try not to get to lost and give away your peace in the pursuit of creating another life. Care for the one that is here and now, and know you are already enough.
To find out more about the Together We Wait community visit www.togetherwewait.com
