Kiddipedia
The holiday season, often depicted as a time of joy and togetherness, can also bring about significant stress and family tension, especially for separated parents. Navigating the complexities of co-parenting during this emotionally charged period can be challenging, whether it’s managing the logistics of splitting holiday time or coping with difficult emotions.
This time of year is frequently regarded as one of the most stressful for many Australians, with financial pressures, family obligations, and the pursuit of a perfect holiday experience adding to the strain. For children of separated parents, these tensions can transform the holidays from a festive celebration into a battlefield. According to Relationships Australia, the added stress of the holidays can amplify existing issues, making it crucial to address these concerns proactively (Relationships Australia, 2016).
Strategies to Diffuse Holiday Tensions
Despite the potential for conflict, there are several strategies you can adopt to minimise stress and create a more harmonious holiday experience:
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Focus on Your Children
One of the most effective ways to navigate holiday stress is to keep your children’s well-being at the forefront. Ask yourself: What do I want my children to remember most about this Christmas? Is it the warmth of the holiday season, or the conflict that overshadowed it?).
According to The Gottman Institute, co-parenting during the holidays should centre around the children’s experience. This means making decisions that prioritise their happiness and sense of security, rather than focusing on adult disagreements (Gottman Institute, 2023).
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Shift Your Perspective
When dealing with a difficult ex-partner, it’s easy to get fixated on personal grievances. Think of it like a camera lens: when you use a zoom lens, your focus narrows, homing in on one issue or one person, often intensifying tensions. This narrow focus can often magnifying conflicts and frustrations and overshadow the needs of the entire family.
Instead, try adopting a wide-angle lens. This broader perspective allows you to see the bigger picture, including the needs of your children.
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Manage Your Stress
The holiday season is inherently stressful, and co-parenting adds another layer of complexity. If you feel overwhelmed, take a step back to manage your emotions. This not only benefits you but also sets a positive example for your children.
High stress can lead to a narrowed focus on conflicts. Recognising when this occurs can prompt self-care. Dr. Brené Brown suggests that “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we will ever do” (Brown, 2018). This perspective can be especially useful during the holidays.
Lifeline Australia suggests simple strategies to maintain mental wellness during the holiday season, such as setting realistic expectations, taking time for yourself, and seeking support if needed. By managing your stress, you can approach holiday challenges with a clearer mind and a calmer demeanour (Lifeline, 2023).
Seeking Professional Support
If holiday tensions become overwhelming, remember that you don’t have to face them alone. There are numerous resources available to help separated parents navigate these challenges. Family mediators, counsellors, and other support services can provide guidance on how to maintain a peaceful and positive holiday experience for your children.
Professional support can also help you keep that wide-angle perspective, ensuring that the focus remains on what’s best for your children. By taking proactive steps, you can reduce conflict and create a more enjoyable holiday season for everyone involved.
Final Thoughts
The holidays are meant to be a time of joy and togetherness, not a season of stress and conflict. By focusing on your children, shifting your perspective, and managing your stress, you can create a holiday experience filled with positive memories. And remember, it’s okay to seek support when needed—doing so can make all the difference in turning a potentially tense holiday season into a peaceful and joyous one.
References:
- Relationships Australia. (2016). December 2016: Christmas Stress
- The Gottman Institute. (2023). Co-Parenting During the Holidays: Tips for Making It Work.
- Brown, B. (2018). In You Must Go: Harnessing the Force by Owning Our Stories.
- Lifeline Australia. (2023). Mental Wellness During the Holiday Season.
Rosemary Gattuso has been in alternative dispute resolution practice in Sydney for more than fifteen years, specialising in family mediation and restorative justice. As a family mediator, she has helped many families to separate in a child-focused way. In addition to her dispute resolution work, Rosemary runs programs for schools, parents, individuals, and businesses about strengths-based living and ways to transform self-criticism and overthinking into empowering personal growth.
Her book ‘It’s Not You, It’s Me – A Chronic Overthinker’s Guide to Self-Reflection’ is out now.
Visit www.rosemarygattuso.com
