Kiddipedia
Christmas and the school holidays should be the most joyful time of the year. However, for others, it can be stressful and full of dread. Whether you have been divorced for years or recently, the anxiety around shared custody of children can take away the happiness of what should be the most magical time of the year. Whilst it may not seem like it right now; these next few months provide the opportunity to start planning and communicating with your ex.
Not everything, however, needs to be doom and gloom. The good news is that you can successfully co-parent at Christmas time; however, it takes both parents’ communication, understanding and planning.
As hard as it is, you must remember that children thrive when they are met with a united parental front, even from separated parents. If you are finding it difficult to communicate and agree on things, it is imperative that the children are not kept in the loop about those disagreements, and you should access help early where available.
Open-Mindedness
It can be tricky to share your children with someone you used to love, especially when you parted ways.
But this doesn’t mean you should push your frustration onto your children.
I highly recommend keeping an open mind with what your ex-partner has planned, alongside the movements of your child or children leading up to Christmas.
Admittedly, there will be times when you can’t agree with your ex-partner. This doesn’t need to be a firm roadblock; rather, you should be flexible in your approach and seek mediation from a third party to assist with planning. A third party can be instrumental in moving your communication along and ensuring that you are both heard in any disagreements that might arise.
It is also useful to remember that Christmas is one day out of a calendar year, and there are various different ways that Christmas time can be shared to ensure children can spend time with their loved ones.
Clear Coordination and Communication
Like I said before, with the hustle and bustle of work in conjunction with your own life, no one wants to ‘read between the lines.’ Often during times of difficult communication, it can be easy to misjudge the tone and intent behind a text message which can often lead to disagreements unnecessarily.
Instead of sending a text or a rushed phone call, sit them down for a quick catch-up over coffee. It doesn’t need to be long or prudent, rather a quick ‘how you do’ and a ‘so what are we planning for Christmas?’
Make your expectations clear, concise and thorough- at the end of the day, we’re all human, and as parents, you want the best for your child.
One Team, One Dream
Even though you and your partner have split, it doesn’t mean you can’t still be the ‘parental figures’ of your child or children.
Regardless of your own issues with each other, you need to make sure you present a united front to your child or children as this image is what they’ll use as their own standard for when they have a family of their own.
Alongside this, having a unity view on accepting other cultures, religions and practices should also be considered to ensure that your child is exposed to as much of the community as possible.
Keep in mind though if your child or children have two separate Christmas events, as hard as it is, try your best not to interrogate your child.
If you were given a day to celebrate, you wouldn’t want to be questioned about something else all day, would you?
There you have it, three of the best tips to ensure that as parents, you can peacefully share the custody of your child or children at Christmas time.
Cassandra Kalpaxis, Bachelor of Laws and Bachelor of Social Science, is reshaping how women think about divorce and separation. Cassandra has seen first-hand how amicable divorce can lead to more stability in the life of both parties and their children.
To promote this ethos, she opened Kalpaxis legal in 2017 under the guise of a collaborative family law firm, emphasising the continuity of relationships over asset grabbing. Placing a large emphasis on the rights and concerns of Australian women, Cassandra makes her clients feel supported in times often associated with darkness.
Cassandra, in line with Kalpaxis Legal, has a surrogacy agency whilst also being a registered family and dispute practitioner – qualified to mediate the treatment of children in separations.
Unique to Cassandra and Kalpaxis Legal are their retreats – taking women away from their lives and educating them on the different options available to them other than court-mediated divorce.
