Kiddipedia
Modern dads are playing a bigger role in the family unit.
Bygone generations have lowered the bar of what a ‘good’ dad is to a rate that it’s hard to be publicly judged as a ‘bad’ dad – this needs to change and thankfully it is!
Dads previously have only been there for dinners during the week, not helped with bedtime, and then attended a pre-organised activity with the kids on weekends. Leaving mum to carry the workload unsupported throughout the children’s lives. This age of absentee Dad is over.
While every family dynamic is different it’s important for new dads to understand the extremely important role they play. This is critical in carrying at least an equal load in the family by actively contributing to the development and growth of their children.
Modern families face more pressures than ever before, with growing demands on finances, increased time pressures and always ‘on’ culture, driving the need for stronger cohesion in the family unit. Dad’s role is to step up at home.
Success starts with getting the workload balance right within the family. Cutting to the chase, raising a family is a lot of work. It’s joyful, but still a mountain of work.
The first step to successfully juggling this is communicating with your partner. Building a joint understanding of what everyone and the family want to achieve. Keep this communication going, as expectations and desires may change along the journey and as the children grow. So many partners and expecting parents don’t have these conversations, as an expecting Dad you may need to bring these conversations on respectfully, so everyone can have a chance at happiness.
Supporting Mum to be successful is a massive role for Dad. This support is in the little things everyday around the house and the big things in career continuation. Support is every day by assisting around the house, through taking on half of the workload – not asking if something can be done. Don’t leave the burden of maintaining the house everyone lives into one person.
Great Dads will get in there and do the work – be it the dishes, a quick zip with the vacuum, everyone’s favourite the washing, pack the bags – there is always something to do, get in there and do it. Carry the burden.
Support Mum’s return to work and career continuation, is super critical to developing a great family balance and awesome role modelling for children. If this is what your partner would like to do, then actively support this – comprise time and create space for your partner to be successful.
This support builds a great team foundation so the family core can flourish. The young kids will not only be guided by verbal cues from mum and dad, but will see great sharing and loving role models every day. This is particularly important, to show children the modern world, not the stereotypical gender roles. They’ll see and emulate equal contributors and partners.
The role of modern Dad is to build on this foundation to develop strong bonds of trust with each child. Particularly in the early years, children bond with parents through play. Dad needs to get on the ground play Lego, have tea parties, read books, playing chasings – playing however bub wishes to play. All of these great events will build great memories and strengthen the relationship with all of the children.
It’s also now easier to plan and research great kid’s activities inside and outside of the house. There are so many great tech products that help dads with this – so great dads take on this responsibility and the mental load of organising the fun for the kids.
Great modern Dads will be there in the hard parts of parenting, not the fair-weather sailors they have been in the past. In being hands-on, dad will know the stages of development for children, so you can help them through the tantrums over a purple train not being pink. It’s the role of dad to know these emotional cycles and help the children through these and not vacate the space and handpassing to mum as in the past. This is something that is all too common in older generations. The role of dad is to be there side-by-side with mum.
In being there side-by-side, sleep is critical to everyone, and it’s important to at least share the load. Everyone is tired, get over it and get up in the middle of the night to resettle bub or shoo away monsters. The kids, mum and dad all need good sleep to function, so great dads won’t leave this burden to mum. They especially won’t flee to the spare room to take full nights of sleep while everyone else is awake.
The low bar of being a ‘good’ dad needs to be lifted through support and carrying the load at home. This will ultimately make everyone’s lives in the family better.
This is the role of dad in the early years of modern families – not the absent passenger of years gone by.
Tom Humphries is a dad of a one.
Having started as the full-time worker in the family, Tom switched roles with his Wife to both have the opportunity to be at home. During this time Tom and his wife started their online kids activity finder – Boobobutt, and have continued to grow this nationwide. Their daughter has continued to enjoy the many adventures and great experiences with both parents.
