Elise Clement
If you’ve ever held your breath through the work week, or the school holidays, if you’ve ever used the countdown to a weekend, a vacation or time away from your kids as motivation to get through the day, then it may be time to learn about relaxation on demand.
Don’t fall into the trap of: “I will relax when…”
Most of us have experienced hanging on for a break, then finally reaching the moment we so eagerly anticipated and…getting sick because our body and nervous system have so much catch up to do. Or we make promises to ourselves: “I will relax when things are quieter, …when I change jobs, …when I pay off my mortgage, …when the kids are older, …when the house is tidy, …”, only to break them when we realise this elusive moment of relaxation never arrives. Why? Because relaxation is not driven by external circumstances, it is something we choose to make space for in our life, daily.
Relaxation is a commitment, not something that happens to us when the stars are aligned, the cocktails freshly made, the sun shining and the kids at school.
Attaching conditions to our relaxation leads to a vicious cycle of unmanaged stress and dissatisfaction. We let the pressure build up to the point where we grow resentful and bitter towards the situations and people we perceive as an obstacle to our wellbeing. And when that window of opportunity for rest finally shows up, we wonder why we break down.
What is relaxation on demand and how to access it
The antidote to this is what I call relaxation on demand. Instead of waiting for the perfect time, we invite pockets of relaxation in the now, as often as possible, no matter what we have on our plate.
The rewards are worth it. When we train ourselves to access relaxation unconditionally, we build the inner resilience we need to face daily stressors. We maintain a regulated nervous system, which in turn strengthens our immune system and healing capacity. We become the calm and grounded version of ourselves we dream to be. And our relationships become much more satisfying too.
The good news is, you can get there one tiny step at a time:
- by choosing to engage in active rest over passive rest each day. This is not about doing more, it’s about becoming conscious of the cues that support your body to relax. A good place to start is to replace 5min of TV or scrolling through social media each day with 5min of guided muscle relaxation or mindful breathing. And if you think you don’t have 5min available in your day…then you probably need to dedicate an hour to active rest!
- by getting into the habit of engaging your relaxation response when you’re in the midst of your daily responsibilities. Instead of staying stuck to your computer screen for hours on end, take 5min to stretch and tune into your breath regularly. When navigating the demands of work, meetings, presentations, instead of letting the stress response take over and tense your body, regularly relax your jaws, your shoulders, and take one deep belly breath. Instead of eating the leftover crumbs in a rush when making snacks or dinner for your kids, make something yummy for yourself and sit down to enjoy it. Instead of doing the dishes while they’re finally playing nicely or having a nap, do something extra delicious that will make you feel more relaxed.
Check out my musings “Join the Relax Revolution” for additional insights and resources to access relaxation on demand.
If you’re keen to stay in shape mentally and emotionally, if you’re going through challenging times and need support to regain clarity, build your confidence and sense of empowerment as a mother, please reach out. I offer introductory sessions to get to know each other before diving deeper. More about my work here.
